Thank YOU!

Sa lahat ng dumating, umalis, at nanatiling kasama ko sa buong 2009,

MARAMING SALAMAT!

Ang buong taon ko ay naging makabuluhan dahil kasama ko kayo.

Panalangin ko na sana, sa darating na 2010, kasama ko pa rin kayo sa
lahat ng kasiyahan at kalungkutang kinakailangan kong suungin.

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR (and the coming years)!

GOD BLESS.

Where Are You Now?

I've been doing some blog hopping the past few days, and unsurprisingly, most of the bloggers posted a year-ender post. I was thinking of doing my share of that, but I thought of doing something else.


I have been hearing this song on the radio for a couple of times already. I actually happen to watch it in ASAP being sang by I forgot who. Nonetheless, it made an impact to me because the lyric's just great.


The song's lyrics were simple yet they're kind of moving for me. It made me feel nostalgic of the times I was with old friends, old colleagues, old acquaintances, old people who came along and shared something of their selves to me. I don't really mean "old" as in literally, okay?


Anyway, I am talking about the song, Where Are You Now by the Honor Society. I will be sharing to you an edited version of the song. Yup, I edited it. To the composer (which I bet won't happen to read this anyway), forgive me if I did so. I just edited it so it'll rightfully fit me (hahaha).


Okay, so here it is. Ops! Before you continue reading, I would want to dedicate this to the people who came, stayed, passed by, yet I couldn't feel their presence anymore or just for sometime now. I just so hope they'd be able to read this (hahaha).



Where Are You Now
Honor Society


To my favorite teacher
Told me never give up
To my first high school crush
Who I thought I really loved
To the  friends I miss
And the guy I kissed
Where are you now?
To my ex best friends
Don't know how we grew apart
To my favorite bands
And sing a longs in my car
To the face I see in my memories
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am


To my first boyfriend
I thought for sure was the one
To my next boyfriend
I hope you're gonna be the one
To the ones I loved
But didn't show it enough
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am


I know we'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that's just how it goes
People change but I know I won't forget you


To the ones who cared
And who were there from the start
To the love that left
And took a piece of my heart
To the few who'd swear
I'd never go anywhere
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn't for you I'd be nothing
Where are you now?

A Dreamer's Avenue

In celebration of my first year in blogspot, and in lieu to the changes I've had in this blog, I am as well changing it's name from "It's Surreptitious" to "A Dreamer's Avenue."

I have decided to include changing its name because of my vision that the coming year would entail a new life, new experiences, new journeys, new environment, new surroundings, new blogging year for me. I have envisioned that as I bid goodbye to 2009, I will be saying hello to a new and better life ahead.

It's Surreptitious was conceptualized just so I would have a secret room to rant my feelings, both good and bad. It's Surreptitious kept me companied during the times when I had no one to share my thoughts and whereabouts.

A Dreamer's Avenue will give you an idea about the blogger's experiences as she travel the road to reaching her dreams. It will be an avenue for me to share my triumphs and brokenness as I traverse the difficult ways of reaching my heart's desires.

It's definitely going to be an exciting year for me, and I hope your year would be as exciting as mine as well. :)

NOTE: For those who included me in their blog roll, you could just leave my name as it is (but if you could update it, it would be better. :) ). Thank you! Hope you'd still be there as another year in my blogging takes place. :)

*****

HIGHLIGHTS

In relation to my blog site's first anniversary, I decided to come up with a list of the things that took place since December 9 of 2008 up to this day of blogging.

But before that, let me first give a short recollection on how I came up with this blog. It was actually days after I had my heart broken when I decided to put up a blog to where I could rant about how I was feeling that time. I have friends but I decided then to keep everything to myself. Since, I couldn't bear the pain alone, and that I needed to let the bad feelings out, I launched this blog site.

I did not intend to make it too public. What I meant about that is, I did not tell anyone about this blog. No one knew about it except for myself and those who happened to just discover it by accident. That as well is the reason why it was named Surreptitious Place, now, It's Surreptitious. The word surreptitious by the way is synonymous to the word secret.

Months after, I guess about ten months after, I decided to make friends with other bloggers, exchanged links, and yes, I made it known to everybody (but before I did that, I decided to delete some too personal posts first). Today, I must say I am happy with my decision. I am happy with how I was able to touch my readers through my words (do i? hehehe), and how I was touched by their posts as well.

Okay, so here now. As what I have said earlier, I am going to share to you some of the highlights of my life for my past blogging year. Here it goes.

It was this blogging year that I . . .

- learned how painful it is to have your heart broken.

- learned how to appreciate even more the little things I have.

- learned that you can never predict what's ahead of you, even if you try to plan things out.

- was able to conquer the night life.

- felt rejected not once, twice, but i don't know how many times anymore (hahaha)!

- learned to love my job and stick to it no matter how bored I was feeling already.

- experienced crying while the bus headed EDSA (I was on my way to work then, just don't ask why please).

- learned to laugh at my problems.

- joined Singles for Family and Life.

- was back on track with my religious community for the past fifteen years.

- discovered my passion to serve other people through my own little ways.

- realized that your family will always be your shield, and your source of joy and inspiration.

- re-established my relationship with my God.

- experienced how to fall a lot of times and stood up again every time.

- met new set of friends that I will forever treasure.

- discovered how wonderful the feeling knowing that someone's reading and commenting in my blog (with that, you're entitled to comment later. hahaha).

- was moved and touched by other bloggers' posts.

- regained my self-esteem.

- regained my interest to pursue my dreams.

- was able to know and learn a lot of things that will be my fuel as I continue my journey.

There's actually more learnings and realizations, but these were the ones who made it on top of my list. So there you go. I hope this coming blogging year, I would be able to share to you more stuff that would somehow move you or inspire you. Also, I wish that I will continue to learn a lot from my co-bloggers' experiences, thoughts, as well as their personal realizations. I also wish I would be able to meet more bloggers in the blogosphere and in real life.

That's all.

Happy Anniversary to My Blog! :-)

An Open Letter to My Best Friend

NOTE: This is going to be a long read.

Dear Besh,

I think you know now why I wrote this letter to you. Don’t get me wrong here though, I just want to tell you something. Oh wait, don’t worry your name’s not going to be mentioned here.

Anyway, I know that you know that I was really pissed off last Friday. It was like my patience was really cut off.  I wasn’t mad at you, I was just pissed off. So that is clear. I wrote this letter not to reprimand you - though it’s a little like that – but to tell you something I wish for you for the coming year.

Okay, I should have been posting my “Wishes for my Best Friend for 2010” by around the third week of this month, but since your actions pissed me off last Friday, I am posting it now. Going back, you know how frank I could be especially when it comes to you. You know, I don’t treat you like just a besh but more of a sister. You’ve become a family to me ever since we became friends. So I guess, I do have the pleasure to tell you some things that I wish you could change (I wish you could do the same for me, then send it to my email, then I’ll post it here as well).

Know what? I really hate your “kampante” attitude. I hate it when you’ll start telling me that you still haven’t prepared for this and that. I hate your being dependent on time and yeah, to some people as well (like me). It’s not that I do not want to hear your whatever or that I don’t want to help you, it’s more of I just want you to be more responsible. I so hate your cramming style besh.

At work, I could bet that you are so responsible, but in your extras, it seems like you’re not. Have you counted the times that we met at Galleria or at Megamall and you came first (to think that you work around Ortigas and I at Makati, okay let’s not include the times when you were given extra work out of the blue)? How ‘bout the times when you needed something the next day and you kept telling me how sad you were because you still haven’t prepared (to think that you have known that for weeks already)? See? You’re smart, I know that you know what I mean. I am not perfect. I know I am not really in the position to tell you these, but who would? I bet you’ll agree with me that I am more organized than you are (hahaha).

Anyway, so much for that. My other wishes for you are: (1) that you’ll be able to do something already regarding your MBA plans, (2) you’d be able to manage well your schedules, (3) that you’d get promoted because I know you deserve it, (3) you’d find someone that’ll make you happy, (4) you’d be able to really update your wardrobe, (5) that you’d be tougher especially with regards to work-related issues, (6) that you’d keep your goods over your bads, (7) whatever it is that you aspire that you haven’t shared to me yet.

I am not really mean, I just can be when circumstances need it, right? So after all that’s been said, I would want to say thank you for standing by me for the past five years and counting. I have a lot of friends, but it’s you whom I could really share everything.  You know my flaws as much as I know yours. Thank you besh, really. I appreciate everything. I hope that as this year ends, we both will be able to continue our one-of-a-kind friendship ‘til whenever. Hey, you know that I’m just here. I can always be an older sister to you though you are months older than me (hahahaha).

I don’t really care if you’ll tag this letter as a cheesy one, anyway, I can really be cheesy sometimes (or should I say most of the time? hahaha). Anyway, that’s it. If you want to keep this letter, copy-paste it (hahahaha. Do not print it out if you’ll just lose it).

God bless.

Lovelots,

Pam

The Other Night, I Cried

Okay, I know I shouldn't or should I say, I know I should have not shed tears. But what can I do? I just can't hold back the tears. Well, maybe I just needed to let it out or it might explode. Anyway, you might ask me why I cried. Uh-oh, I do not mean to say it here. It was more of a personal reason.

Anyway, here's the catch, I think sometimes it's really hard to keep your feelings aside. I mean, yes you could portray a better and tougher self in front of other people, but when it's just you and yourself, you'll be surprised knowing that you just can't lie to yourself. You know yourself more than those people surrounding you.

I do not want to sound "kawawa" here 'cause I know I'm not. It's just that I wanted to share my realizations the other night. Another thing, this I can share to you. I was thinking about January the other night. Remember my post regarding work? I told you I'll share my decision when it comes. And yeah, it finally came. I have decided to leave by January. Honestly, I do not know if my decision is right. What I know is, I want to leave. My current work has been a part of my ups and downs during this whole year. It's like, leaving my work would mean moving on from what 2009 has brought me, at the same time, leaving all the memories behind.

My work is one of the witnesses on how I cried hard and how I managed to get up during the trying times. My work gave me a space during the times I needed something to put my attention to and be busied of. My work became my partner during the desperate times in my life that took place this year.

And so as the year comes to an end, I had to make an important decision. That is, I will be leaving my current work no matter how hard it may seem because of the people I will leave behind. I will leave without a concrete plan ahead. Yeah, I do not have plans on what I am going to do after the resignation. What I only have now is the decision of ending my stay in that company.

The other night, I prayed hard that God will continue to lead me to the right way. I prayed that He gives me wisdom so I would be able to make right decisions. I do not know yet if this is right. What I am sure of though is that this will make me really start a brand new life as a brand new year comes. And yeah, it would make me happy.


*****

Making decisions are hard, choosing which to do is hard, but at the end of the day, you have to think of, "Is it going to make you happy and be at peace?"

"Unleash the Hero In YOU"

Wow. I was overwhelmed after hearing the news that our fellow Filipino,
Efren Peñaflorida won this year's CNN Hero of the Year award. This is
definitely a recognition that doesn't just show how good Filipinos are in
sports but that we are good people of good heart most importantly.

I am touched with this man's words during his acceptance speech, which I got
from Inquirer's online site. He said,

“Our planet is filled with heroes, young and old, rich and poor, man, woman
of different colors, shapes and sizes. We are one great tapestry. Each
person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search
it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need. So to each and
every person inside in this theater and for those who are watching at home,
the hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others
above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell my co-volunteers …
you are the change that you dream as I am the change that I dream and
collectively we are the change that this world needs to be.”

I so agree with him. In each one of us lives a hero that is just waiting to
be unveiled. We are all heroes only if we allow ourselves to be one. We are
all heroes only if we allow that desire to come out. I, for instance, I have
this desire to one day be able to make a difference. I believe I can even in
the smallest way I could. But that is still waiting to be realized. Why?
Because I am scared to start making a difference.

That scenario I guess is the problem we have to overcome. There are a lot of
people like me who has great desire but too scared to conquer that desire.
With Efren's triumph in realizing his desire to make a difference, realizing
a dream that he once had, I was stunned. Now I say, I will be working on
that difference that I want to materialize. I won't hesitate. That desire
should turn to passion.

To you Mr.  Efren Peñaflorida, I believe you just don't deserve neither a
salute or be applauded, your example deserves to be followed. I guess, the
best legacy that you could give to this nation, is the legacy of being able
to not just inspire but allow other Filipinos to be like you.

To you, Mr.  Efren Peñaflorida, you are indeed a hero not just in words,
praises, or deeds. You are a hero of passion and love for the Filipino
nation. Kudos!

*****

Watch his acceptance speech. Just click THIS.

Home Alone No More

For almost three weeks I was alone at home. Independence. Freedom. Serenity. Peace. Joy. Sorrow. Longing. What else? These are just some of the emotions I've had during that almost three weeks of being alone in a two-storey apartment.

It was awesome! I wish it did last, but come reality, my eldest brother is back (so are my wild emotions are :p). Anyway, I love the feeling of just being alone. I mean, you know, you have no one to think of (if the person have eaten or not, or if he's there watching 24/7, etc), you have nothing or no one to worry about, no one brings out your bad moods, you're not pissed, you eat whatever and whenever you want to. Those are just some of the great privileges of being alone, living alone.

Surprisingly, I thought since I am just alone at home, I would ask friends to come over my place or perhaps spend the night away (oh gimmicks and other getaways). That was not the case though, it was actually just this weekend that I had my friend sleep over at my place. I was so into the feeling of independence that I did not even thought of inviting friends over (oh, I remember, I actually asked three of my girl friends to sleep over but they weren't free) and you know, have some party on the side.

It was then that I realized that being alone doesn't necessarily mean being wild. You may have that privilege but being responsible is what really rules more. I'm surprised really. All my speculations of being alone and having total freedom were all wrong.

That almost three weeks of being alone transformed me into becoming more responsible not just for the house, but all the more for myself. Of course, no one would take care of me but me alone. Uh-oh, I tell you, I was a bit scared of ghosts but just for sometime (hahaha). I got over it easily. Mind over matter did work for me I guess, or should I say, "it's all in the mind"  is really true.

Anyway, if there's one thing that scared me then, that's being heart attacked inside my room and no one would care. Okay, a brief info, I have a heart failure and for the past days or weeks I guess, my heart was on it's irregular mode. I was scared enough not to even tell my parents about it (hahahaha). Well, I don't want them to worry much. After all, I want to let them see that I can be responsible for myself even if no one's around.

Oh, let me just share, my brother left on November 2, which happened to be All Soul's Day. My mom, my other elder brother, and my sister (who's living in Cavite), were scaring me. They were telling me that someone's gonna visit me. Oh well, that didn't work. I conquered that fear.

Oh, and speaking of fear, I conquered my fear of being left alone, of living alone. I am just so proud of myself! :)

Anyway, I am just so thankful for the whole experience. I am so happy that I was able to surpass it. I wish one day, it's gonna be for real. I will leave alone, all by myself, nothing to worry about before and after the day. The feeling is just indescribable.

*****

Freedom doesn't necessarily mean you have all the benifits of getting wild. It's actually just a tool for you to become a more responsible individual.

And the Countdown Begins

Okay, you might be wondering why's that so. I am not talking about Christmas countdown here, though I am also looking forward to it. :)

Anyway, in about twenty-five days, I am going to celebrate my blog site's first year anniversary. Wow! I never thought this would last for a year (well, and counting). I am so excited and is looking forward to another blogging year with full of insights, thoughts, and realizations (as much as I could, it's going to be all positive), and of course, another year of meeting new co-bloggers while keeping a stronger blogging relationship with my co-bloggers now (i mean those in my blog list. :p).

In that note, though I know there's only a few of you who read my blog, I would want to solicit suggestions as to what I would be posting on my anniversary. I would want it to be really special. This blog is one of my babies, but just like parents, this is my favorite among my babies. :)

So guys, help me out here please. Please suggest a probable topic intended for my anniversary post. Thanks a lot and I'm really really looking forward to your suggestions.

GOD BLESS EVERYONE!

*****

By the way, there's something exciting that's about to happen in this blog site! Woah! So excited, really. Wanna take a wild guess? :p

*****

FYI: I started blogging back in 2005 using Friendster's Blog feature (is that how you call it?). It's actually a little discovery I've had just recently. I almost forgot that I also have another blog site pa. :)


*****

Writing is a passion I never thought I possess until my mom told me to pursue a degree in Journalism. I guess I owe that (discovery) to her.

On Track

"Another cycle is coming to an end."


That is how I see the happenings in my life these past few days. I see it as part of closing a cycle in my life. It's not really an end, but a new beginning that would soon take place.


Anyway, let me share to you some of the highlights of some important aspects of my life. Let me share something about myself. Those co-blogers of mine who doesn't know me would benefit from it (well, that is if you want to know me. hehehe).


Here it goes.


LOVE. I am over it. I has had my share of katangan and ka-martiran, and that's finished. I am so done with my past slash first ever romantic relationship. I am happy for him, but I am happier for myself. Getting over everything was really a tough one for me. But at last, we can now continue our journeys separately. But hey, I believe we remain good friends, and I think that's what we are good at for each other. A new one's coming my way? That I do not know yet.


FAMILY. Same issues, same people, but one thing's for sure, they are my source of strength. The God above has been good to us despite our imperfections as a family. Ours is not perfect, not the way other people thought it was. I am just thankful that I am at ease with how my family is doing right now. Time really passes so fast. The next thing we know, perhaps one of us will start a new family as well. Wow, we're really getting bigger now.


FRIENDS. I am happy with how my relationships with my friends are. Everything is smooth-sailing. There may have been times when some of us misunderstood one another, good thing is, everything was patched up. I am happy that I am gaining new friends. I am happy about the fact that someone's going to touch my life, and perhaps I to their lives as well.


WORK. If there's one thing that could be associated to the saying, "nothing's constant but change," that would be work. Everything changes in no particular time, moment, place, or season. I guess just like in romantic relationships, when it's not for you, it will never be yours. The right job would come along. It may not be today, but for sure it will come. All we have to do is to continue searching for it. After all, it won't find you, you have to.


DREAMS. I am starting to do some things in fulfillment of my dreams. I am doing things one step at a time. I know I will reach them someday. I just need to back myself up with a lot lot more patience and determination. Nothing is handed to you easily, you have to work hard for it. I know I will catch them soon. I just have to hold on to it, believe, and do my part in realizing them.


FAITH. If there's one thing I am proud to have, that is my faith. In whatever situation I am in, my faith is my shield. I continue living my life inspite and despite everything because of my faith. Living is not easy. It's a continuous cycle of rejoicing and disappointments, but if you have faith, everything will be easy to bear. Thanks God for He never abandoned me even during the times I even questioned Him about how my life's going.




*****


Life is a continuous journey of learning. It's a never ending journey of good and bad times. You better be ready all the time.
 

It's Over! Stop Ranting.

Voters' Registration is over. Tapos na po ang pagpaparehistro since October 31, 2009 midnight.

Sa mga nakapagparehistro:

I salute you guys for being the responsible citizens that you are or have become. The start of something new is just a step away. The change that we have been eyeing for is right on our hands. Ngayon po na nakapagparehistro na tayo, marapat lamang na ang sunod nating gawin ay ang maging masigasig sa pag-uusisa sa mga politikong ating iboboto come May 2010.

We have done the first step. Next is to become resposnsible in selecting the right person, if not the best. Remember guys, our vote is very important. It portrays a very important role in realizing the change that we have always wanted. Muli, maging mausisa po tayo. Let us not go after the popularity, the who's who. Let us vote for the person who we can trust and entrust our nation, who haven't done anything wrong against us or against our nation. Let us become the wisest voters that we can be.

Sa mga hindi nakapagparehistro:

Common, we were given years not days para makapagparehistro. Some of you kept complaining about the process and all the other stuff. Guys, come to think of it, kung tutuusin kasi, wala kayong karapatang magreklamo. I don't get why people tend to do stuff kung kelan last day na. Now, pag hindi na-meet ang deadline, magrereklamo and would ask for extension.

Isn't three years enough? Yes, we were given three years. A day after the 2007 elections, nagsimula na agad ang pagpaparehistro. Imagine how long the time was? You wasted your chance. You wasted your chance to help this nation be back on track. You wasted a lot.

Wag kayong magrereklamo pag ang namuno sa bansang ito ay yung salungat sa gusto nyo. Wala kasi kayong karapatang magreklamo o mag-raise ng hinanaing dahil hindi kayo bomoto. Okay?


*****

Next in Line:

Sa mga tatakbo for 2010 Elections, sana po wag kayong magsiksikan sa last day of filing of candidacy, which would be on December 1, 2009. Be a concrete good example to the Filipino citizenry.

People, this is something to watch out for! Sino kaya ang unang-unang magfafile ng candidacy? Hmm.. Excited na ako! Sana kayo rin! :)

Missing Home

I miss home. I have been living away from home for more than six years now. I seldom see my family. I only get to see them when they come over or I go home for vacation. When I was still studying, sem breaks, Christmas breaks, summer breaks were my most awaited times of the year because I got to spend those with my family in the province. Now that I am working, chances are so rare.

Last year, I spent Christmas here in the city together with my sister and her family, and our eldest brother. That was the first time our family spent the holidays apart. We used to make sure that during Christmas and New Year, we're together. Sad to say, there are some things, some traditions that have to change now (no matter how unwilling we are to change them).

In two months time, we will be celebrating Christmas and New Year again. If I have one greatest wish for the coming holidays, I wish our family would be able to celebrate it as one again. I wish our family would be able to share each other's joy for the coming season together.

*****

Nothing beats the feeling of celebrating the Christmas season with your loved ones. It's actually the essence of the holidays.

Is This Goodbye?

Never did I blogged about my work. I may have shared some moments during work, but not that the entire post is all about work. Today is going to be different. I need to unload some thoughts I have tried to keep. But since I do not know who to share these, I decided to just share it to you.

I have been in my current company for almost a year now. So far, it has been the longest period I ever stayed in a company. I have been to two other companies before this. I cannot honestly say that I love the work. I guess it's more on, I have learned to love the work because of the people I am working with.

When I first stepped at the office premises and started doing my job, I told myself that I will just stay up to my sixth month. But that was not the case. I have learned to love the people, the environment, the easy life I have at the office. Though there were times that I have been loaded with a lot of work, I never thought of (officially) quitting. I really did enjoy everything along the way. Maybe I joked about resigning but it was just up to there.

Lately though, I started to become a little confused. The company started doing some major transitions. As these transitions took place, there's this thought in me that my stay might be put to an edge. Meaning, there's really a chance that I might loose my job.

I work as a writer but the department where I belong is into search engine optimization. I love writing. It has always been my dream to become a writer, and definitely not an seo copywriter. The company is about to take another major transition. That is, they're planning to make our department a full-pledged seo (marketing) department.

I was not asked once, but a lot of times already if I am interested into shifting from being a full-time web copywriter to becoming a full-pledged seo copywriter. Like what I have always said (to my bosses, colleagues, and friends), never did I get interested into the seo thing. I never neither plan nor take into consideration shifting to that kind of industry. It is not that I do not want to grow, it is not that I am not willing to take a new challenge, not that I do not want to leave my comfort zone. It is just that I know in myself, I will never be happy with it. I know in myself that I will just be forced to do that, and that is something I do not want to happen. To be into something that my heart is not into.

I am sad. I know I am. I do not know why when things seem to be okay, news such as this would come along my way and seem like it tries to ruin the happy feeling I have for the past few days. Now I am tormented. Now I am confused.

What do you think? Is this going to be goodbye? 

******

I got to face this new challenge. Got to journey the path intended for me soon. ^_^

Betrayal of Trust

 Admit it, once you've tarnished one's trust, it would be real hard to regain it.

One thing I have learned in life (and i guess most of us actually) is to cherish the trust given to me by other people, because once I fail, I know I can never put that back to the way it used to be (no matter how willing I am to regain it).

I promised myself to never post any negative thoughts in here, but I guess, there would really be times when I just have to. After all, not all negatives are negatives. There are also positive things out of every negative ones, right?

It just so happen that someone broke my trust, and it saddens me now.

Anyway, at least I have learned my lesson. Never again should I trust anyone unless they've proven they're worth it. ^_^


*****

Just a simple reminder (feel free to click the link below):


2010 Election Watch: 10 Days To Go

Question!

" Do we live in the physical world that we can touch, or do we live in the world that we create in our minds? "

I think most of us tend to live in both worlds. There comes a time when we live in reality, while sometimes, we tend to live in what we call, fantasy land or fantasy world so we could spare ourselves from the hassles we get from the physical world.

On one hand, being in what we call real world is not easy. There are a lot of anguish, there are failures, wars, hatred, so on and forth. There's also happiness but we don't usually see it because we're too preoccupied looking at the negative side of life.

On the other hand, there's fantasy land or world. Sad to say, it only lies within our minds (or does it really?). This is the world that we supposedly is enjoying but we don't because we are too insecure of one another. This is the world that only gives joy and happiness. This is the world where our distant dreams are real. This is the world where no one is being left behind, no one suffers, no one is selfish.

Now, as for me, I guess I live in a physical world that caters what I have in mind. ^_^

Is that what you call, Law of Attraction at work? (Oh, that's another thing. ^_^)

*****

Note: The quoted text above is from the movie, Sassy Girl.

I Was Scared But I Conquered

I used to be scared of a lot of things. I used to be scared of the perils of life. I used to be scared of other people's judgment. I used to be, so that means, that was before. Today, I must say, I am not scared anymore. I am not scared of the things that life may give me.

I was then scared to ride a taxi alone, but when I finally did it, I realized, it's amazing riding one.

I was then afraid to take mud slide, but when I tried, I got addicted to it.

I was then afraid to speak in a large crowd, but when circumstances allowed me, I felt it was worth doing again.

I was then scared to sing in front of other people, but when I did it, I felt good at how they reacted.

I was then scared to fall in love, but when I allowed myself to fall, I couldn't trade to anything how amazing the feeling was.

I was then afraid to get hurt, but when reality hit me and I found myself into it already, I realized that getting hurt made me become the person I have become today, better and stronger.

I was then scared to fail at school and at work, but I realized life won't be complete without failures. It is the spice of life, definitely.

I was then scared to cross a busy street, but when I finally crossed, I was very proud of myself.

I was then scared to make friends for they might judge me, but when I opened myself to the thought of making friends, I realized how wonderful it is to have a lot of friends around.

I was then afraid to take risks, but I realized that taking risks is part of our everyday life and that it had made me become a better human.

I was then afraid of losing my loved ones, but when they left, I realized, nothing is really permanent on earth, even people leave.

I was then scared of disappointing my parents and the people who believe in me, but I learned that not at all times I have to live with other people's expectations. I learned that not at all times I have to please other people. After all, this is my life and I am the only one responsible for it.

Life is really very short. So why would we let ourselves be deceived just because we are scared of doing things we want to do or at least try something we haven't done yet? Let me say this, do not let hesitations rule over you. Do not be afraid to leave your comfort zones. We only have one life, so why waste it from being scared? I guess nothing is more scary than being regretful at the end for not allowing yourself to explore what the world has in stored for you.

 

Before Leaving Humanity

Okay, I know the title of this post sounds creepy. But hey, I am not leaving as in dying yet (well at least not now). I went through some sort of blog hopping when I got the chance to read one blogger's post about the things he would want to do before he dies. Yeah, I got this idea from him (I found it interesting anyway).

So much for the intro, let me share the things I would want to do before leaving planet Earth. So here it goes.

1. I want to become famous. Not that I want to become a celebrity, perhaps famous in social work or something related to making a difference (help the poor, send someone to school, something like that).

2. I want to become a lawyer. I would want to prove that not all lawyers are liars. :)

3. I want to meet the man who's destined for me and I to him.

4. I want to get married. I want it to be solemn. You know, just me, my husband-to-be, and the people we love. I don't want it to be extravagant. What matters is, everyone will get to enjoy the moment.

5. I want to bear a child. Maybe four kids would be enough.

6. I would want to travel the world with my family.

7. I want to learn how to swim (though I had basic education on swimming, I still do not know how).

8. I want to try extreme sports.

9. I would want to leave a legacy. Maybe getting involved in community outreach programs or founding a foundation for the kids.

10. I want to meet famous people.

11. I would want to write a book.

12. I wish to be able to sing in front of a large crowd.

13. I want to break rules!

14. I want to experience true independence.

15. I want to gain a lot of friends (with different personalities so I'd learn a lot from them as well).

16. I want to try eating exotic foods.

17. I would want to see my family - all of them - in a good social state.

18. I want to have my own space (a house would be great, a condo would be fine).

19. I want to learn how to drive and own a car.

20. I would want to create a lot of wonderful memories with my loved ones.

There you go. Those are just some of the many aspirations I have. Those twenty things I wrote are just some of the many things I would want to accomplish in my lifetime. So far, life is not that rude to me. I have my fair share of goods and bads, but that's okay. I must say, my life is well-balanced at the moment. I may not have the love of my life yet, but at least I have a good work that satisfy my needs, friends who bring joy, and a family that inspires me.

How 'bout you? What are the things you would want to do before the final day comes? ^_^

On Climate Change: Let's Take the Lead!

Typhoons, active volcanoes, tsunamis, floods, landslides, earthquakes. These are just some of the natural calamities that kept on bogging us these past few days and months. There have been lives taken, dreams forsaken, future left hanging, families broken because of the occurrence of these calamities. Are we going to allow another calamity to take place? Better think about it.

One major reason that led to these calamities is climate change. Our country is a living testament that climate change could be rude to humans. That it could take not just our sources of living but our sources of joy as well - our families, friends, relatives, fellowmen.

If I remember it right, this year, I did not feel the heat of the summer's sun. I felt like there was no summer season at all. During our country's summer period, it was raining hard. Now, when supposedly it shouldn't be raining that much already, it does. Perhaps not everyone is aware or haven't noticed that something awkward is happening in our environment. Something out of the ordinary.

*****

In about seven months, the Filipino electorate is about to elect new sets of leaders. What made it more exciting is, we are about to elect a new president. A new leader who we hope could address all the important issues in the country to the best way he/she could.

One important issue that he/she should give importance is, climate change. In my humble opinion, it's time that our forthcoming leaders should set aside personal agenda, instead, focus more on things that matter such as this. I believe nobody wants another Ondoy and Pepeng tragedy. I believe nobody would want tsunamis, earthquakes, and other natural calamities to destroy our native land, our beloved planet, our lives.

*****

On the other hand though, we should not just lift it all up to the government. As ordinary citizens of this county and of the world, we have to start doing something. Changing our routines would help a lot. Stop throwing garbages just because you're lazy enough to look for a garbage can. Stop illegal logging, mining, and other human activities that would destroy our environment, that could lead to something we do not want to happen.

We just can do so much. Let's do it together NOW.

After Letting Go, Move On

Here's the catch, once you've let go, move forward. There's no room for looking back. Past is past. You can try reminiscing about the good times, but as much as possible, try not to. I realized that moving on becomes harder when people keep on looking back on the memories, be it good or bad. So better yet, stop. Just stop.

So how are you going to start moving on then? I honestly do not know. I guess that depends on you. If throwing  memorabilia would make you feel good, then do so. If crying would lead you to moving on, cry 'til your last tear drops. If moving to another place will help you, then go. If meeting new people or having new activity will help you, just do it. As long as it will help you move forward, do not hesitate to do so.

But you know what's the best thing to do? Pamper yourself. You've read it right, pamper yourself! Indulge in whatever that would make you happy. Stop thinking about anybody else or worry about something, just enjoy. Be with yourself. Do not be harsh on yourself. Love yourself to the fullest! Fulfill your dreams, your heart's desires. ^_^

The Art of Letting Go

Hmm... Okay, this is not an  emo post as you thought it might be. Actually, I'm just about to share different thoughts on letting go, which I came across while surfing the net. It made sense really.

So here it is:

How Letting Go can be an Expression of Love

•  “True love doesn’t have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you.” - Anonymous
• “In the end these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you love?
  How deeply did you learn to let go?” – The Buddha
• “We need in love to practice only this:  letting each other go. For holding on comes easily--we do not need to learn it.”  –  Rainer Maria Rilke
• "Because of your love I have broken with my past.” – Mevlana Rumi
•  “Every breath is an opportunity to receive and let go. I receive love and I let go of pain.” – Brenda  MacIntyre

 Letting Go and the Consequences in Quotations

 Letting go sometimes offers the freedom of breaking loose and valuing yourself as in the following quotes:

•  “The key to change … is to let go of fear.” – Rosanne Cash
•  “There's an important difference between giving up and letting go.” – Jessica  Hatchigan
•  “Breathe.  Let go.  And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” – Oprah Winfrey
•  “Knowledge is learning something every day. Wisdom is letting go of something every day.” – Zen Proverb
•  “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu

 Letting Go as a Personal Challenge in Quotations

 Letting go can take courage and a lot of nerve as is expressed in the following quotes:

•  “Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.” – Anonymous
•  “The Tao Te Ching says, When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need.  Have you ever struggled to find work or love, only to find them after you have given up? This is the paradox of letting go.  Let go, in order to achieve.  Letting go is God's law.” – Mary Manin Morrissey
•  “Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?” – Mary  Mannin Morrissey
•  “Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?”  – Leo Buscaglia
•  “Being strong sometimes means being able to let go.” – Anonymous      
  

Let Go and Let a New Future Begin in Quotations

•  When the time comes to let go, some people sense and accept it; others find it more traumatic. Letting go can turn the time ahead into a new opportunity.
•  “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.” – Dr. Seuss
•  “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell
•  “There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world; it’s the beginning of a new life.” – Anonymous

Let me just add my personal thought on letting go. For me, letting go is about being brave to face the reality that some things are not just meant to be. Sometimes, no matter how much you try to hold on and hope that everything will be better, you just can't. You just can't neither dictate what the future holds nor command what destiny has in stored for you. At the end of the day, you'll just really end up realizing that there's no other way out but to let things go and move on. After all, if you won't do so, it's you who's going to suffer real hard.

Typhoon Ondoy: Commending Unselfish People

No joke! The typhoon that hit the Metro last weekend brought countless memories. Well, sad memories. Who would have thought that in a span of six hours, the amount of rainfall was equivalent to a month? Some reports said that the last time the Metro encountered such terrible calamity was in the year 1967.

At around late afternoon on Saturday, September 26, 2007, 70% of Metro Manila was already flooded. A lot of people were stranded from different areas: some were at the road, while others were at their offices or school campuses. At around mid-night of the same day, rescue teams from the government tried to deploy their rubber boats, but sad to say, it couldn't enter the affected areas due to the strong current.

People from private sectors on the other hand tried to help through asking donations both in cash and in kind. Ateneo De Manila for instance, opened their doors for evacuees and fed them, while La Salle Greenhills took part in looking for people who could lend their rubber boats for the rescue, as well as volunteers who could help them up.

No doubt, in times of trouble such as this, people have no one to lean on to but their fellows as well. No doubt, in times like this, selfishness and greediness should not be found in anyone's dictionary. This post would want to commend private individuals, companies, and organizations who in one way or another took part in helping out those affected by Typhoon Ondoy.

- Jam 88.3 (The whole evening of Saturday, I was just tunning in to them. They were unselfish enough to serve their listeners through becoming a bridge in asking/seeking help for those affected.An FM radio turned AM for a night. Kudos to them!)

- Media. (Everything was really appreciated.)

- Schools and Universities who opened their campuses for evacuees as well as for their stranded employees and students. (The kindness you've given is more than enough.)

- Private companies or individuals who lent their boats, trucks, and other vehicles to help in the rescue operations. (You were able to really really help save lives of many.)

- Volunteers. (This goes to those people who took time in helping out through sorting out donations, as well as disseminating them.)

- People who donate goods and cash. (God will surely give it back to you, doubled.)

- Fellow bloggers. (This goes to those who tweeted and blogged information on how and were to seek help. The information you gave saved a lot of lives, and really gave hope for many as well.)

- There are a lot more who should be commended, but the space won't just be enough. So to everyone who extended help effortlessly and unselfishly, I personally salute you! I may just be an unknown blogger form the blog atmosphere, but this I am sure of, a private individual like me sees your efforts. Kudos (though there are a lot more things that need to be done)!

GOD BLESS us all.


P.S.

- If you happen to pass by my blog and would want to help, here's the information. Just click THIS.

Silently Searching

As the sun silently set, comes with it are magnificent rays as if telling me that though it’ll bid goodbye for awhile, it still owes me another tomorrow. Just another day to find the true meaning of my existence.

I guess I am not alone in that sense. I guess there are a lot more people out there, who, just like me, are still in search of the reasons why they’re living. Perhaps this is the toughest challenge of being alive. The challenge of knowing why God placed us here – wherever we may be at now.

Months ago, I was having this dilemma, well actually even up to now. I was trying to figure out why I had to go through all these struggles. Months ago, I was trying to go a deeper soul searching. It wasn’t the emo type, I mean just like how soul searching means for celebrities. It was more of searching the essence of the life that He has given me.

Lately, there were a lot of thoughts running through my head. It was like a school of fish trying to find a place where it could settle down. These thoughts kept on bugging me. At first I was just ignoring them but as days gone by, I could not help but notice them. And so finally, I gave these thoughts a place in my head.

Apparently, one of those was the thought of realizing one of my distant dreams, to inspire other people through my own little way. Sad to say though, I was discouraged. Knowing that I only have a couple of friends, that would really be impossible. Yet God works in mysterious ways. Days ago, I came across a probable movement, a group of people who share the same vision as mine. I only have to send them an email, and wait for their reply. To be a little descriptive, it’s a group of youth who promotes the true essence of love.

Ops! It isn’t mushy. It’s not the one you might be thinking of. There’s more to that description. They’re actually promoting a Godly living. Oh well, so much for that. The catch here is actually this, silently I searched, silently the answers are one by one, coming my way.

Call me too idealistic. Call me an old school. Call me not “in”. Call me whatever you want to. I don’t really care anyway. I guess this is a good way to start my dream. A dream of becoming a good example not just in front of the people I know, but much more to those who I don’t really know.

As the sun set, I know it’ll rise again. And as it comes shining the next day, it as well means another day to fulfill what my existence is all about. It may not be that clear yet, I know, soon, everything’s going to be handed to me.

Daughter of a Politician

No, I am not talking about a particular declamation piece here. I am talking about me, myself, and I. Yes, I am a daughter of a politician. But let me rephrase that, I was and perhaps would be a daughter of a politician again (my father did not win last election but planning to run again, that’s why).

DISCLAIMER: This is not neither a political propaganda nor a campaign piece.

Anyway, being a daughter of a politician is a combination of being fortunate and unfortunate. That sounds confusing, right? Well, I find it fortunate because of the popularity that you’ll get. The fact that your father was elected as a government official gives you a lot of privileges. Unfortunate though because of the criticisms you’d hear from almost every corner, also, the fact that you always have to do right or else, you might ruin the name of your father.

But nonetheless, everything was okay. I never really had any bad experience of being a politician’s daughter except the fact that there are just really some people that are hard to please. Anyway, I love being a politician’s daughter because I’ve learned how bad the situations of our poor constituents are, and that you’d learn to care for them along the way – as you get to know them. I love the fact that in one way or another, I realized how fortunate I am.

Though being a politician’s daughter requires a lot of things, I still love it. I love how busy we become whenever elections are coming. I love how we post election paraphernalia around the municipality, and giving out my father’s portfolio of achievements. Just for your information, believe me or not, it was only not during my father’s first time to run that we did give money (just to people who went to our home), after which, during the second and last term of my father as a municipal councilor, never did we vote buy again. Oh! But the cleanest election participation my father has ever gone through was last elections. He, not even a single centavo gave any, which apparently is the greatest factor why he lost. We have no enough machinery as well. Imagine, my father’s co-candidates gave 1000 and 800 pesos respectively while we gave nothing.

Anyway, being my father’s daughter allowed me to know the basics of how politics has become in our municipality, in our country. I was able to witness how dirty elections are. I was able to witness how cruel some people could be just to be in the position. I was able to see how other people can ruin their fellows’ reputation just to earn what they want, again, position in the government.

Also, I was able to learn how to deal with other people. How it is to talk to those underprivileged, and feel so blessed that you’re not suffering like the way they do. I was able to visualize how I could someday help my underprivileged fellows. I was able to recognize what the politicians should give importance to. I was able to realize how capable I am to make a difference someday. Oh wait! I am not planning to run – for now (hahaha).

Furthermore, more than the negativities that being a daughter of a politician could give, I always look forward to the positive side of it. After all, that’s what it should be, right? Actually, after everything has been said, the catch here is, being a daughter of a politician entitled me to know how it is to care and love your fellows especially those who are not as lucky as I am.

My Share of History

I wasn't born during the times of EDSA Uno, not even during the 1983 Ninoy Aquino Jr.'s assassination. I was perhaps inside my mother's womb when President Corazon Aquino was inaugurated as this nation's 11th president. Not to mention, the first woman president not just in the Philippines but in Asia.

I grew up to become a person of principles. I have my share of opinions whenever relevant issues arises (meaning, issues that has something to do with our nation). I grew up with the teachings of my parents on the side: standing for what you believe and living for what is right no matter how much criticisms be thrown at you.

As an ordinary citizen who belongs in this generation, you may find me as too idealistic. Maybe, some would even raise their eyebrows and would comment something like, “Yuck! Napaka-nationalistic!” Well, to them I say, at least I care for this poor nation.

Anyway, when I heard about former President Aquino's death, my initial reaction was, “Oh my God! Patay na Sya.” Just like most of us, curiosity filled me. I was after the reaction of the people surrounding her, and the reactions of her critics from the other side of politics. I didn't feel the loss of a Filipino icon or something to that effect. It was indeed pure curiosity.

I got hooked with all the news about her. Seemed like it was another Michael Jackson aura. Most of news-related websites were talking about her and her death. They kept writing over and over again about who she is, and who she was. They kept giving tributes on how she has restored the democracy in this country. Still, I wasn't moved. Not that i'm insentive, it's just that I wasn't able to witness her presidency. Though I know the history as foretold during my early childhood down to my college years, still, I had no sad emotions about her passing away.

But everything changed came Monday, August 3, 2009. I did not plan to go out of our office building to witness Aquino's procession. I had no plans, really. But seemed like history told me to be part of it. Out of nowhere, I just found myself walking down the stairs from sixteenth floor down to the street. Not just that, some of my colleagues and I waited for almost two hours before finally, the convoy came.

I couldn't explain why, but as the truck carrying her body came, I felt a sudden heaviness. I witnessed really, a history. People around me were saying out loud her name, some wear yellow blouses and shirts, others with yellow ribbons and flag lets being waved, while others displayed the very prominent Laban sign. Yellow confetti were like rains pouring down from the sky. Very memorable indeed.

After witnessing such a historic event, I planned to go and pay my last respect to someone I don't personally know but has enough knowledge on her contributions to my beloved country. Apparently, though I had the willingness, the heavy rain stopped me. Instead, I just kept myself updated through the internet and watching television news programs.

Wednesday came, the burial day. I woke up just in time to watch the live telecast of ABS-CBN. Serenity is the perfect word – I guess – to describe the aura inside the Cathedral. Though I was not physically there, I felt how at peace yet gloomy the place had become. As the mass started, I kept singing along with the choir. Really, I was like taking part of the history even if I was just inside the four corners of our apartment.

The emotions were really felt. I appreciated the former leader more when the priest, Fr. Arevalo gave his homily. Wow! I was amazed with how she had lived her life according to what the priest had said. I was in awe when he spoke of the goodness of heart, the humility, the love, and the faith she had. I was like, could I be just like her? In spite of the gold spoon on her mouth, she lived a life of simplicity covered with love and her deep faith in God and Mama Mary. Then I thought, is there someone among the present queue of politicians that live with the same ideals? I don't know why, but as I looked on the list, I couldn't think of any.

I must say, she's not perfect. Perhaps she had her share of flaws during her presidency, but I guess, as a young Filipino - who just like many of my fellowmen - I believe we badly need someone who is like Cory who I must tag as someone who became a good example to the people. We need a leader who knows how to live in humility, has a great love for the country and its people, and has an undying faith in the Almighty.

Come 2010, we again are to practice our right to vote, our very right to elect our leaders. About nine months from now, we are going to put someone in power. As that day comes, as it approaches, I wish we could think of Cory, her ideals, her simplicity, her leadership, her faith, and let those be our guide as we select and elect.

As my words come to an end, let me say my own farewell and thank you to a woman who now I idolizes because of who she was and how she had lived her life. Allow me to utter my words of gratitude to someone who brought back the democracy and freedom that I am enjoying now. Kudos President Cory for a life well-lived.

Does it Make Sense?

It may sound so cliché but yes, I want to make a difference. I want my existence to be meaningful, to be wonderful, to be unforgettable. I know a lot of people who were able to make and leave their legacies, and so I want myself too.

I would want to wake up one day with that genuine smile on my face, and then realizing how I was able to touch the lives of other people. I would want to wake up one day full of joy because I know I was able to make my own world of difference.

I believe I don't have to be rich just to be able to do that (though having money does help but it's not really a need). I believe you can start making a difference through doing simple things, or perhaps through maximizing what God has given you, your talents. Inspiring other people is really a tough job, but I guess if your intentions are real, it just comes out without you knowing it.

Oh! And let me say this, you don't have to neither push it nor rush it. Inspiring other people just happen. All you have to do is, do your thing.

Going back, the question now is, how would I be able to make a difference? Well, I guess everything should come from the heart. When you truly desire for it, you'll end up recognizing the fact that you've actually made a difference already.

Let me cite some of the things I know on how to be different. One, since everybody is talking about it, then be it. Register and vote for the upcoming 2010 elections. Never ever think that your vote would just be worthless because there's a big possibility that cheaters might win. Imagine, what if all the other youths or voters in general are thinking the way you do, then there would really be no difference, right?

Two, if you love blogging, then use this medium to voice out your opinions, points of view, your commentaries, or even by simply sharing what you've learned from your past and present mistakes in life. It might not make sense for you but you'd never know how it might affect other people's lives.

Three, if you think you're being fooled, speak up! Never allow yourself to wake up one day realizing that you allowed yourself to be a slave of lies. I'm not saying you involve yourself in a fight. Hey, you can always talk and listen without arguing, right? Now, if you don't meet halfway, I guess it would be best to just quit and go (with all the responsibilities on the side of course).

Four, never think that you can't do anything to change the world. A simple act of virtue is enough. You don't have to go around the city and feed the hungry or give home to the homeless, a simple gesture of care is enough. Start it within your community. I swear, you'll realize there's so much that you can do.

Five, dream big and pursue it. Actually, dreaming and realizing them is making a difference (I'm talking about real dreams here). For instance, dreaming of becoming the best person that you can be is actually an act of uniqueness already. I am a living testimony to that because that's my ultimate dream (hehehe). I've always lived my life in accordance to what I believe, because this is how I would want to make a difference. I want to be a good example to my fellows, to my friends, to my younger siblings, and to the younger generations (which include my pamangkins). So start dreaming now (and make sure you'll realize them)!

. . . and the list goes on and on and on.

There are so many things that you can do. I just can't write them all because I too have to discover them. I am just so excited to discover them actually. So eager that I would want it to happen soon.

Now, do I make sense here (or did I make any difference with how you think now [hehe])?

Sign

Do you believe in signs? Well, I do. Actually, I used to be, then I ran out of reasons to believe on it, not until lately again.

For the past weeks, I was in a state of despair. I guess that’s the perfect term to define how I was. It seemed like my life was shattered because of the things that happened. It was like, waking up one day realizing that I am lost.

Yes, I felt like I’ve lost myself along the way. I woke up knowing that I do not know what I want to do with my life now. I woke up recognizing the fact that I am sad and that I’m going through what they call, “quarter life crisis.”

Anyway, after embracing and accepting the truth that I am indeed lost, I just found myself kneeling down and praying to Him. I came to a point of lifting everything to Him. I prayed that He takes over my life for I cannot handle it anymore. Could you imagine how lost I am?

Then here comes one of my realizations. It was like God whispered to me the ‘cause of everything. The reason why I am feeling lost and why it seemed like my world turned apart. I came to realize that I did things in accordance to my will and not His will. I realized I was yes, praying to Him but not for His will to be done but for what I want to happen. Indeed, I prayed the wrong prayer.

After realizing my fault, I entrusted everything to Him. Then, I told Him I want to go back serving the community. I said I want to entail my weekends for Him again. I must admit, I missed my service in the community where I learned to get to know Him better. In the community where I used to share my talent. In the community that taught me how to love and care for others.

Then here comes Sunday, June 7, 2009. I texted my friends and invited them to go to mass. Apparently, only one of them got interested. I let her decide where we should attend the mass. Then she told me we take the five o’clock in the afternoon mass at Saint Jude Parish.

Days before that Sunday, I was having a chat with the same friend about how I miss the community and that I badly want to go back. During the mass, I was again praying for it. Then during the communion, I saw a lady wearing a SFC identification card. My eyes followed the lady. The urge to go back to the community got immensely higher.

After the mass, we should have taken the center door to exit. Surprisingly, our feet led us to taking the door at the left side of the church. And guess what happened next? Someone gave me a leaflet, and when I looked at it, it says, “Singles for Christ Christian Life Program.” My initial reaction? I smiled. I felt that was God talking to me and taking over my life. It was like He is telling me, “Pam, your wish is my command.”

Indeed, I must say, it was a sign from God. It was a sign from Him that He is embracing me back, that He wants me back to His loving arms. You know what I realized? God would sometimes use the downiest point in your life to lead you back to Him. He uses your weaknesses to teach how to go back to the path He has perfectly created for you.

And today I must confess, signs are actually real. But of course, to know whether that’s it, you have to listen to your heart. It’s where God tells you whether the sign is genuine or not.