Sunday, August 21, 2011

So This Is Goodbye

Been out of the blogosphere for quite sometime now. I actually am thinking of leaving for good. What I haven't decided yet is, should I delete the whole thing or just leave it as it is?

When starting anew, you have to leave some things behind, right? For that reason, I guess I'll give it a month, and delete the whole thing. This blog has been a part of me for quite sometime already. Had my fair-share of good and bad. Well, I guess it's mostly good though since I rather keep the bad ones out of the web people's eye. Just me being safe. :)

Anyway, so what led me to leaving? I just thought I need to let go of it and go back to journal writing. I thought perhaps Facebook is enough. I thought it's time to be really serious with life and just leave all my opinions to rest in my family and friends' ears - and my journal's pages too! I guess I've shared enough to people who I honestly do not know, but was comfortable of doing it anyway. :)

It's time to grow up and do something else rather than blog. It's time to widden my horizon. It's time to let go of the idealistic stuff I've mostly writtern here. It's time to say goodbye. After all, all things come to an end, right?

As I bid goodbye to my Dreamer's Avenue, I say hi to new opportunities of sharing my thoughts. I know there are a lot more - not just blogging. I still would want to call myself a blogger though, but this time, a blogger who has more sense rather than just writing something just for the sake of having something to post for a certain day. Admit it, most of us do blog for that purpose.

It's time to be more serious with life. I'm not saying that blogging is not serious, as that depends on who blogs. For me though, blogging was a part of my younger years, and I am no longer that youngster. If ever I go back to blogging, I would want to be a blogger with deep sense rather than a blogger who just blogs to get attention and gain praises from other people. If ever I go back to blogging, I would want to blog thoughts that matter rather than nonsense pieces. I would want to become a blogger worthy of people's time. I would want to become more of a writer than a blogger.

To those who took time to pass by, co-bloggers, thanks for reading my thoughts all throughout. Thank you for your comments and for taking time to share your personal thoughts about the things I've written here. Thank you for being nice. :)

In a month's time, A Dreamer's Avenue will finally rest.  

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Trials Do Come, Surprisingly

As of this writing, papa is confined, my two siblings and two nephews are sick, and I am infected with cough and colds. What more can I say? Trials do come, in our case, it did come one time, big time.

Yesterday, I was just sitting inside the salon where my best friend was having her hair colored. I was just sitting until I checked my phone and saw 5 messages and a miscall. I thought nothing until I read the messages. It was my mama, two ates, kuya and my younger sister who texted me informing that papa is in the hospital. No, not having a check-up, but was confined.

I was shocked, my knees began to shake. I cannot deny, I was scared. This was the first time - at least the first time that we knew he was confined. Just before yesterday, they just left Manila after they joined me for my birthday. So I, who at that moment was still on "birthday mode" was really in denial that after a great birthday week, sad news such as this would come.

No, I did not cry. I told myself not to. I was even telling myself to not panic and take it easy as everything will be okay. But then, no matter how much you try to hide the feeling of uncertainties, and to not feel worried about how things are going, you will just end up feeling just the same. I mean, sometimes, you just really have no control.

To be honest, I was really scared. I am someone who hates hospitals. Though I do go to hospitals due to check-ups, I still hate being there. It's as if, the end is there. I don't know. But much more, I hate getting news that people were rushed. In this case, I so hated the news that papa was rushed, and worst, was confined. 

At the moment, I know he's getting well. But it cannot be taken from me to still worry. Not just for papa, but for mama and my loved ones who are sick - the babies most especially. I worry because it is during these times that I know we need one another and yet, I for instance, is far from them. I cannot deny that I feel guilty of not being there. I feel sad being far from home, and just depend on getting updates through texts and calls.

Amidst all these though, I am reminded of one thing, that it is during these times when you will realize the value of the people you love - family. It as well reminded me that during these times when I am far from home, I have a big God taking care of them. 

At this point, I think of it as just another trial that will make our family tighter and stronger. This made me realize that life is indeed unpredictable. At some point everything seems okay, and next thing you know, you are bombarded with trials and tests.

This incident made me feel God's assuring presence once more. I felt His reassuring words whispered in my ears. I felt his warm embrace. I believe this too shall pass just like then. This too will end and as it ends, we have a lesson to carry with us as we continue our family's journey.

To those who will get to read this, please include my family in your prayers, and all other families who, just like us, are in the midst of a big trial in their lives.

Our family has gone through big waves in the past, that is why I am optimistic that just like any wave, it will end too. 

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Dream On

The scene: I was lying in my younger sister's lap while our mom was on her side, when I suddenly remembered about my birthday.

Jokingly I uttered, "Ay, I'm turning 24 na pala. Hmm... So pwede na akong magpakasal kahit walang parents' permission. Diba Ma?"

With a little sarcasm, my sister replied, "Maghanap ka muna ng boyfriend."

That made me laugh, BUT with a little 'ouch' on the side.

I am officially part of those of legal age to marry. Looking back, my sister got married when she was 24, and I think my parents too. Looking back, my other sister had one of her relationships when she was my age. And me? That, I need to figure out, at least in the next twelve months.

But aside from the thought of marriage, which I have to say is way far from my priorities right now, there's one more thing that makes me feel ecstatic about turning 24. Yes, I may look like a 16-year-older, but I am actually this old now. Kidding.

Anyway, people say that when you turn 24, it's when you finally get rid of your childish or child-like ways, as you are now expected to be matured and that you could now handle life's uncertainties. You are expected to have a life of direction, which means you are expected to be more responsible with your actions and decisions. You are expected to start taking life really serious. That's it.

Now that made me wonder, am I ready to take life seriously? Am I ready with the resposibilities of being my age? Am I ready to put myself away from my childish and child-like ways? Am I ready to face greater challenges in life? Am I ready to be a good decision-maker? Am I ready to head a life of maturity?

I remember, when I was younger - oh yeah, I'm still young - when someone would ask me how do I see myself ten years from then, I would most probably answer this way, "Ten years from now, I will be successful. I will bring my parents wherever they would want to go. I will start building the house they deserve. I will help send my younger sisters to school. I will help my siblings."

Looking at how dreamy I was then, it made me wonder how many of these dreams have come true so far? Sadly, I think not even one. But no, I am not frustrated. You know why? It's easy to dream especially when you are a kid. It's easy to run your imagination of how things would be when you get older. But in reality, it's hard to work for your dreams. I think it's just about facing the reality that it's not easy when you are in the 'world' already.

Where am I in my life now? I am not lost, that I am sure of. I still dream the same things. I still would want to send my parents to places they would want to go. I still dream of helping them in whatever ways I can. I still hold on to those dreams I've had when I was a kid. I guess, what makes now different from then is, today, I am working on it and working on it is not easy.

Making your dreams come true is not as easy as you could ever imagine. You need to really work hard for it. When I graduated from college, I thought I'm way closer to making my dreams real, but I was proven wrong. I realized, what I have pictured about life after school is not that after all. I thought life would be easier when you've earned your degree. I thought life would be cool because I would now be earning money. But I was proven really wrong, which makes my journey to my dreams a little bit more harder.

At some point, I felt disappointed with the turning of events in my life, but I guess, my faith saved me. Faith not just in myself or to the dream I built when I was a kid, but faith that I know my big God is just there to help me realize all my heart's desires, my dreams.

My dreams remain the same, except for one. That is, in time, maybe not when I am 24, but when He knows I'm ready, I will have a family I would call my own. Okay, wait, just before that, I will need to find that one lucky person first, and before him, I need to make at least one of my childhood dreams come true or if possible, all of them.

In our lives, we are bound to dream, and make those real. After all, what's the sense of dreaming if you'll keep it as it is, right? Realizing your dream may take time - which is absolutely true, unles you're born with a golden spoon, but later on, when you've finally conquered all the odds towards that dream, you'll just be amazed and you'll suddenly forget all the hardships you needed to surpass along the way.

I am still on my way towards realizing my dreams, one by one. As I traverse the road towards them, I am optimistic that no matter what happens along the way, no matter how rough the road will be, I know I can do it. I can do it by not just relying on my own strength, but having faith that I have a God to give me just enough until those dreams will no longer be dreams.

Going back to the scene I've mentioned earlier, my sister made sense, right? Before one could marry, he has to find his match first. Just like in dreams, before you make those real, you need to work on it.

Keep dreaming, and make them real! :)