Do you believe in signs? Well, I do. Actually, I used to be, then I ran out of reasons to believe on it, not until lately again.
For the past weeks, I was in a state of despair. I guess that’s the perfect term to define how I was. It seemed like my life was shattered because of the things that happened. It was like, waking up one day realizing that I am lost.
Yes, I felt like I’ve lost myself along the way. I woke up knowing that I do not know what I want to do with my life now. I woke up recognizing the fact that I am sad and that I’m going through what they call, “quarter life crisis.”
Anyway, after embracing and accepting the truth that I am indeed lost, I just found myself kneeling down and praying to Him. I came to a point of lifting everything to Him. I prayed that He takes over my life for I cannot handle it anymore. Could you imagine how lost I am?
Then here comes one of my realizations. It was like God whispered to me the ‘cause of everything. The reason why I am feeling lost and why it seemed like my world turned apart. I came to realize that I did things in accordance to my will and not His will. I realized I was yes, praying to Him but not for His will to be done but for what I want to happen. Indeed, I prayed the wrong prayer.
After realizing my fault, I entrusted everything to Him. Then, I told Him I want to go back serving the community. I said I want to entail my weekends for Him again. I must admit, I missed my service in the community where I learned to get to know Him better. In the community where I used to share my talent. In the community that taught me how to love and care for others.
Then here comes Sunday, June 7, 2009. I texted my friends and invited them to go to mass. Apparently, only one of them got interested. I let her decide where we should attend the mass. Then she told me we take the five o’clock in the afternoon mass at Saint Jude Parish.
Days before that Sunday, I was having a chat with the same friend about how I miss the community and that I badly want to go back. During the mass, I was again praying for it. Then during the communion, I saw a lady wearing a SFC identification card. My eyes followed the lady. The urge to go back to the community got immensely higher.
After the mass, we should have taken the center door to exit. Surprisingly, our feet led us to taking the door at the left side of the church. And guess what happened next? Someone gave me a leaflet, and when I looked at it, it says, “Singles for Christ Christian Life Program.” My initial reaction? I smiled. I felt that was God talking to me and taking over my life. It was like He is telling me, “Pam, your wish is my command.”
Indeed, I must say, it was a sign from God. It was a sign from Him that He is embracing me back, that He wants me back to His loving arms. You know what I realized? God would sometimes use the downiest point in your life to lead you back to Him. He uses your weaknesses to teach how to go back to the path He has perfectly created for you.
And today I must confess, signs are actually real. But of course, to know whether that’s it, you have to listen to your heart. It’s where God tells you whether the sign is genuine or not.