Sign

Do you believe in signs? Well, I do. Actually, I used to be, then I ran out of reasons to believe on it, not until lately again.

For the past weeks, I was in a state of despair. I guess that’s the perfect term to define how I was. It seemed like my life was shattered because of the things that happened. It was like, waking up one day realizing that I am lost.

Yes, I felt like I’ve lost myself along the way. I woke up knowing that I do not know what I want to do with my life now. I woke up recognizing the fact that I am sad and that I’m going through what they call, “quarter life crisis.”

Anyway, after embracing and accepting the truth that I am indeed lost, I just found myself kneeling down and praying to Him. I came to a point of lifting everything to Him. I prayed that He takes over my life for I cannot handle it anymore. Could you imagine how lost I am?

Then here comes one of my realizations. It was like God whispered to me the ‘cause of everything. The reason why I am feeling lost and why it seemed like my world turned apart. I came to realize that I did things in accordance to my will and not His will. I realized I was yes, praying to Him but not for His will to be done but for what I want to happen. Indeed, I prayed the wrong prayer.

After realizing my fault, I entrusted everything to Him. Then, I told Him I want to go back serving the community. I said I want to entail my weekends for Him again. I must admit, I missed my service in the community where I learned to get to know Him better. In the community where I used to share my talent. In the community that taught me how to love and care for others.

Then here comes Sunday, June 7, 2009. I texted my friends and invited them to go to mass. Apparently, only one of them got interested. I let her decide where we should attend the mass. Then she told me we take the five o’clock in the afternoon mass at Saint Jude Parish.

Days before that Sunday, I was having a chat with the same friend about how I miss the community and that I badly want to go back. During the mass, I was again praying for it. Then during the communion, I saw a lady wearing a SFC identification card. My eyes followed the lady. The urge to go back to the community got immensely higher.

After the mass, we should have taken the center door to exit. Surprisingly, our feet led us to taking the door at the left side of the church. And guess what happened next? Someone gave me a leaflet, and when I looked at it, it says, “Singles for Christ Christian Life Program.” My initial reaction? I smiled. I felt that was God talking to me and taking over my life. It was like He is telling me, “Pam, your wish is my command.”

Indeed, I must say, it was a sign from God. It was a sign from Him that He is embracing me back, that He wants me back to His loving arms. You know what I realized? God would sometimes use the downiest point in your life to lead you back to Him. He uses your weaknesses to teach how to go back to the path He has perfectly created for you.

And today I must confess, signs are actually real. But of course, to know whether that’s it, you have to listen to your heart. It’s where God tells you whether the sign is genuine or not.

Philippine Elections

When I was on my teenage years, I’ve always been so excited to turn eighteen. Besides the fact that I’d be now called a lady, and the fact that I am now considered of legal age, what made me more excited was the fact that I’d be able to participate during elections already. Honestly, I’ve always loved the idea of being able to choose my own set of leaders. I’ve always loved the idea of making a difference through my own vote.

Now, the 2007 elections came. Finally, I was able to exercise my right to vote, my right to select and elect my own choice of leaders. But that doesn’t end there. I came to realize how poverty has emerged in our own municipality. I came to realize that there are a lot of people suffering from hunger. I came to realize how bad the conditions of my fellows are in the deserted areas.

By the way, you might be wondering how I came to know all these. Well, I m lucky enough that my father was a politician (you’ve read it right, I felt lucky enough), and that I was able to join him during the campaign. Now you know. Anyway, that’s another story – that I’ll share some other time - though so let me go back to my topic.

Moreover, I think I do have to confess that I am a victim of missing votes. You know, voting and not knowing where your votes went. Let me share to you my family’s story. Well, in that particular precinct, supposedly we have a sure eight votes for my father since we’re eight in the family who voted that day. Apparently, after all the ballots have been counted, we realized there were six votes missing. Yes, came the election result for that precinct, we lost six votes for my father. Imagine how was the cheaters rule that time?

But that instance did not and it will never lead me to not being interested come the election time. No matter how unfortunate that instance was, I’d never allow that to discourage me from exercising my right to select my leaders. After all, I love my country. After all, I’ve always been do idealistic that I’ve always believed that there would come a time when change would rule in this country, a time that we’ll be able to elect qualified leaders. I have always been a great believer that change comes from within, and part of that is joining the whole election process.

A lot of Filipinos of my age are so hopeless that they’d rather choose not to vote. Oh my! I wish they’d change their minds. I mean, why think of the negative side when you can be positive anyway? Even though I lost my vote last election, never did it cross my mind to never participate in the coming elections again, because I’ve always believed that my country needs me.

No matter how dirty Philippine elections have become, I am still hopeful that one day, everything would fall on its right places. I am still hopeful that one day, there would be a drastic change in this country – positive of course. I am still positive that one day, the electoral process in this country would be free from cheaters, from liars, from selfish people, from all the negativity that comes with it right now. Who knows? It might be in the coming elections. (Fingers Crossed)

Happy Ending

When I was a kid, I’ve always believed in fairy tales. I even thought that every girl is bound to have a happily ever after ending with their one true love. But when I grew up and fell in love, I realized that happy endings are just part of every fairytale, and that fairy tales are are just fantasies, which means they’re unreal.

Though we are all bound to fall and eventually end up with that someone we truly love, we cannot deny the fact that sometimes, we fail. Sometimes in our lives, we thought that the person in front of us is the person we’re going to end up with. Sad to say though, sometimes, our intuition isn’t right. The truth of the matter is, there are some people who are just suppose to pass by our lives to teach us something, perhaps teach us to become better individuals and not necessarily be with forever.

It doesn’t really matter if how many came along, what matters is, who came and stayed, and perhaps would never dare to leave. Going back, when I learned to fall in love, all along I thought that I am in heaven, lying on a bed of roses. I thought it was going to last forever. But realizations came in, and the truth hit me. I fell and lost.

But you know what’s exciting about it? I never thought of not falling in love again. It was as if, no matter how painful the loss was, I still believed in love, in true and real love. I still believed that one day, just like in fairy tales, my prince charming would come and bring me to his castle and be his loving and caring wife whom he’s going to love forever.

Ops! Back to reality. Honestly, I believed and still believe that we are all bound to have a happy ending, but that depends in us of course. We are the ones who make our happy endings. We are the ones who decide on what’s going to happen next. It doesn’t matter if at the end of the journey we lose or win, what truly matters is that we can tell ourselves that we’ve had a happy journey and eventually is hurdled to have a happy ending no matter how rough the road is.

Soulmate

In our lifetime, people do come and go. Some would just pass, while others would keep us company. But among those many people who came our way, there’s this someone who’d surprisingly be our confidant as we go through life. Someone who we can’t live without. That someone is called our “soulmate.”

A soulmate is not necessarily someone who you will end up with. He doesn’t necessarily need to be your someone special. A soulmate is a person who shares the same passion as yours. Someone who you can’t stand a day without. He is someone who might look like you or perhaps share the same talent as yours. A soulmate is someone who will stand by you until the end even if the world turn its back from you.

Of course, a soulmate is someone of different sex. He’s someone who you can confide everything and anything under the sun without feeling awkward because you know that he accepts you no matter how worst you can be. He is indeed someone who you can’t afford to lose.

Each one of us is entitled with our own soulmate. Lucky are those who found their soulmates in the person of their husbands or wives, or perhaps in the person of their boyfriends or girlfriends, or at the very least, with their best friend. Lucky are those who finally found their soulmate. That one person whom they can’t stand living without.

As for me, I still couldn’t figure out if I’d found my soulmate already – though I felt like I have found him, perhaps it’s too early for me to conclude that indeed he is my soulmate. For now, I would want to believe that one of these days I’d come to realize that my soulmate is actually just right before my very eyes.

New Hair

This is actually a super duper late post. I actually had my hair cut last May 31, 2009, exactly a month before my birthday. It wasn’t planned, not at all. Supposedly, I was just going to accompany my sister, but my mom insisted so I gave in (and it’s for free! Care of mama…hehehe).

Then I decided to have it trimmed only, but I changed my mind. I thought perhaps it was the best time to have a new look, a new me. Unlike my usual parlor scenario, I was so calm and excited to get my hair done.

As the hairdresser cut my hair, it was like I am also cutting all the bad strings attached to me. Parang may orasyon while everything was taking place. Actually, I was talking to my hair. I was saying sorry kasi I had to cut it.

After which though, I felt lighter. Parang less baggage. It was like nabunutan ako ng tinik. I felt a new me is yet to come or perhaps has come. I was all-smile as I walked out of the parlor. Feel na feel ko ang new hair ko. It made me feel better, really.

Mama and my sis were telling me na maganda daw yung cut and that it’s something new though I know in myself na di magtatagal yun ‘cause once na binasa ko na, the truth is, hindi sya magiging ganun kaganda at kaayos. But then again, I felt the moment. I enjoyed having my new hairdo.

Anyway, cutting my hair is parang buhay lang yan, for you to be able to go on and continue the ride, you have to dispatch some of your baggages. Minsan kasi may mga bagay na di na kailangan pang dalhin kasi makakabigat lang. Mga bagay gaya ng bitterness, hatred, sadness, pain, grudges, and all the other negative stuff that could be associated to these.

Cutting my hair was like cutting all the bad memories, bad parts of my journey. Leaving nothing except the good ones lang. Cutting my hair was like a process of letting go of all the heartaches and headaches that I’ve gone through. Cutting my hair was like a celebration of a brand new day, a brand new life.

A Good Read for a Weary Soul

I actually read this article from a friend's blog who is apparently going through the same cycle as I am [into right now]. This article is indeed a good read, and so I decided to post it as well.

Here it is...

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CLOSING CYCLES
By Paulo Coelho (author of: The Alchemist)


One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us.

What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancour towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return; do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, and your love to be understood.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, and decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment." Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house and shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into
who you are.


P. S.

If you want to discover other inspirational blog entries, visit Philippines Best of Blogs.

On Political Stature (In Preparation for the 2010 Elections)

Other guys and girls of my age might not be that interested in politics. They're bound to enjoy life rather than get involved on what's going on with our political stature. Sad to say that they view things in a different perspective, and what makes it sadder is, they don't really care enough on what they could do to realize change in our country.

A lot of people might be thinking why am I too much into it. I mean, seems like I'm so involved with politics. Actually, it's like this, I grew up to be very idealistic. I have always dreamed of living in a peaceful country. I have always envisioned of doing things, getting involved for my country's progressiveness.

Anyway, let me talk about the current political status in the country. The way I see it, it seems like the 2010 Presidential Elections is going to be a tough one.it’s going to be one of the most historical elections ever. You might be wondering why I said so, well, it’s simply because of the personalities involved.

One of these days I will be tackling them out. I mean the presidentiables and vice-presidentiables. Honestly, I feel bad about how other youngsters don’t see the worth of their votes. I feel bad whenever I hear them say that the political situation in our country won’t change. If only I could slap on their faces how important is their every vote. Oh well, I guess that’s why this country is not changing, because nobody wants to take the lead, or if there’s someone taking the lead, people don’t care at all.

If only the youth would unify, I guess everything’s going to fall on the right place. Perhaps change won’t be hard. Maybe Philippines is a lot more different from what it is today and what it used to be. If only people my age would go beyond what they can do, perhaps there would be a better “Pearl of the Orient Sea.”