Thank YOU!

Sa lahat ng dumating, umalis, at nanatiling kasama ko sa buong 2009,

MARAMING SALAMAT!

Ang buong taon ko ay naging makabuluhan dahil kasama ko kayo.

Panalangin ko na sana, sa darating na 2010, kasama ko pa rin kayo sa
lahat ng kasiyahan at kalungkutang kinakailangan kong suungin.

SEE YOU NEXT YEAR (and the coming years)!

GOD BLESS.

Where Are You Now?

I've been doing some blog hopping the past few days, and unsurprisingly, most of the bloggers posted a year-ender post. I was thinking of doing my share of that, but I thought of doing something else.


I have been hearing this song on the radio for a couple of times already. I actually happen to watch it in ASAP being sang by I forgot who. Nonetheless, it made an impact to me because the lyric's just great.


The song's lyrics were simple yet they're kind of moving for me. It made me feel nostalgic of the times I was with old friends, old colleagues, old acquaintances, old people who came along and shared something of their selves to me. I don't really mean "old" as in literally, okay?


Anyway, I am talking about the song, Where Are You Now by the Honor Society. I will be sharing to you an edited version of the song. Yup, I edited it. To the composer (which I bet won't happen to read this anyway), forgive me if I did so. I just edited it so it'll rightfully fit me (hahaha).


Okay, so here it is. Ops! Before you continue reading, I would want to dedicate this to the people who came, stayed, passed by, yet I couldn't feel their presence anymore or just for sometime now. I just so hope they'd be able to read this (hahaha).



Where Are You Now
Honor Society


To my favorite teacher
Told me never give up
To my first high school crush
Who I thought I really loved
To the  friends I miss
And the guy I kissed
Where are you now?
To my ex best friends
Don't know how we grew apart
To my favorite bands
And sing a longs in my car
To the face I see in my memories
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am


To my first boyfriend
I thought for sure was the one
To my next boyfriend
I hope you're gonna be the one
To the ones I loved
But didn't show it enough
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am


I know we'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that's just how it goes
People change but I know I won't forget you


To the ones who cared
And who were there from the start
To the love that left
And took a piece of my heart
To the few who'd swear
I'd never go anywhere
Where are you now?


Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn't for you I'd be nothing
Where are you now?

A Dreamer's Avenue

In celebration of my first year in blogspot, and in lieu to the changes I've had in this blog, I am as well changing it's name from "It's Surreptitious" to "A Dreamer's Avenue."

I have decided to include changing its name because of my vision that the coming year would entail a new life, new experiences, new journeys, new environment, new surroundings, new blogging year for me. I have envisioned that as I bid goodbye to 2009, I will be saying hello to a new and better life ahead.

It's Surreptitious was conceptualized just so I would have a secret room to rant my feelings, both good and bad. It's Surreptitious kept me companied during the times when I had no one to share my thoughts and whereabouts.

A Dreamer's Avenue will give you an idea about the blogger's experiences as she travel the road to reaching her dreams. It will be an avenue for me to share my triumphs and brokenness as I traverse the difficult ways of reaching my heart's desires.

It's definitely going to be an exciting year for me, and I hope your year would be as exciting as mine as well. :)

NOTE: For those who included me in their blog roll, you could just leave my name as it is (but if you could update it, it would be better. :) ). Thank you! Hope you'd still be there as another year in my blogging takes place. :)

*****

HIGHLIGHTS

In relation to my blog site's first anniversary, I decided to come up with a list of the things that took place since December 9 of 2008 up to this day of blogging.

But before that, let me first give a short recollection on how I came up with this blog. It was actually days after I had my heart broken when I decided to put up a blog to where I could rant about how I was feeling that time. I have friends but I decided then to keep everything to myself. Since, I couldn't bear the pain alone, and that I needed to let the bad feelings out, I launched this blog site.

I did not intend to make it too public. What I meant about that is, I did not tell anyone about this blog. No one knew about it except for myself and those who happened to just discover it by accident. That as well is the reason why it was named Surreptitious Place, now, It's Surreptitious. The word surreptitious by the way is synonymous to the word secret.

Months after, I guess about ten months after, I decided to make friends with other bloggers, exchanged links, and yes, I made it known to everybody (but before I did that, I decided to delete some too personal posts first). Today, I must say I am happy with my decision. I am happy with how I was able to touch my readers through my words (do i? hehehe), and how I was touched by their posts as well.

Okay, so here now. As what I have said earlier, I am going to share to you some of the highlights of my life for my past blogging year. Here it goes.

It was this blogging year that I . . .

- learned how painful it is to have your heart broken.

- learned how to appreciate even more the little things I have.

- learned that you can never predict what's ahead of you, even if you try to plan things out.

- was able to conquer the night life.

- felt rejected not once, twice, but i don't know how many times anymore (hahaha)!

- learned to love my job and stick to it no matter how bored I was feeling already.

- experienced crying while the bus headed EDSA (I was on my way to work then, just don't ask why please).

- learned to laugh at my problems.

- joined Singles for Family and Life.

- was back on track with my religious community for the past fifteen years.

- discovered my passion to serve other people through my own little ways.

- realized that your family will always be your shield, and your source of joy and inspiration.

- re-established my relationship with my God.

- experienced how to fall a lot of times and stood up again every time.

- met new set of friends that I will forever treasure.

- discovered how wonderful the feeling knowing that someone's reading and commenting in my blog (with that, you're entitled to comment later. hahaha).

- was moved and touched by other bloggers' posts.

- regained my self-esteem.

- regained my interest to pursue my dreams.

- was able to know and learn a lot of things that will be my fuel as I continue my journey.

There's actually more learnings and realizations, but these were the ones who made it on top of my list. So there you go. I hope this coming blogging year, I would be able to share to you more stuff that would somehow move you or inspire you. Also, I wish that I will continue to learn a lot from my co-bloggers' experiences, thoughts, as well as their personal realizations. I also wish I would be able to meet more bloggers in the blogosphere and in real life.

That's all.

Happy Anniversary to My Blog! :-)

An Open Letter to My Best Friend

NOTE: This is going to be a long read.

Dear Besh,

I think you know now why I wrote this letter to you. Don’t get me wrong here though, I just want to tell you something. Oh wait, don’t worry your name’s not going to be mentioned here.

Anyway, I know that you know that I was really pissed off last Friday. It was like my patience was really cut off.  I wasn’t mad at you, I was just pissed off. So that is clear. I wrote this letter not to reprimand you - though it’s a little like that – but to tell you something I wish for you for the coming year.

Okay, I should have been posting my “Wishes for my Best Friend for 2010” by around the third week of this month, but since your actions pissed me off last Friday, I am posting it now. Going back, you know how frank I could be especially when it comes to you. You know, I don’t treat you like just a besh but more of a sister. You’ve become a family to me ever since we became friends. So I guess, I do have the pleasure to tell you some things that I wish you could change (I wish you could do the same for me, then send it to my email, then I’ll post it here as well).

Know what? I really hate your “kampante” attitude. I hate it when you’ll start telling me that you still haven’t prepared for this and that. I hate your being dependent on time and yeah, to some people as well (like me). It’s not that I do not want to hear your whatever or that I don’t want to help you, it’s more of I just want you to be more responsible. I so hate your cramming style besh.

At work, I could bet that you are so responsible, but in your extras, it seems like you’re not. Have you counted the times that we met at Galleria or at Megamall and you came first (to think that you work around Ortigas and I at Makati, okay let’s not include the times when you were given extra work out of the blue)? How ‘bout the times when you needed something the next day and you kept telling me how sad you were because you still haven’t prepared (to think that you have known that for weeks already)? See? You’re smart, I know that you know what I mean. I am not perfect. I know I am not really in the position to tell you these, but who would? I bet you’ll agree with me that I am more organized than you are (hahaha).

Anyway, so much for that. My other wishes for you are: (1) that you’ll be able to do something already regarding your MBA plans, (2) you’d be able to manage well your schedules, (3) that you’d get promoted because I know you deserve it, (3) you’d find someone that’ll make you happy, (4) you’d be able to really update your wardrobe, (5) that you’d be tougher especially with regards to work-related issues, (6) that you’d keep your goods over your bads, (7) whatever it is that you aspire that you haven’t shared to me yet.

I am not really mean, I just can be when circumstances need it, right? So after all that’s been said, I would want to say thank you for standing by me for the past five years and counting. I have a lot of friends, but it’s you whom I could really share everything.  You know my flaws as much as I know yours. Thank you besh, really. I appreciate everything. I hope that as this year ends, we both will be able to continue our one-of-a-kind friendship ‘til whenever. Hey, you know that I’m just here. I can always be an older sister to you though you are months older than me (hahahaha).

I don’t really care if you’ll tag this letter as a cheesy one, anyway, I can really be cheesy sometimes (or should I say most of the time? hahaha). Anyway, that’s it. If you want to keep this letter, copy-paste it (hahahaha. Do not print it out if you’ll just lose it).

God bless.

Lovelots,

Pam

The Other Night, I Cried

Okay, I know I shouldn't or should I say, I know I should have not shed tears. But what can I do? I just can't hold back the tears. Well, maybe I just needed to let it out or it might explode. Anyway, you might ask me why I cried. Uh-oh, I do not mean to say it here. It was more of a personal reason.

Anyway, here's the catch, I think sometimes it's really hard to keep your feelings aside. I mean, yes you could portray a better and tougher self in front of other people, but when it's just you and yourself, you'll be surprised knowing that you just can't lie to yourself. You know yourself more than those people surrounding you.

I do not want to sound "kawawa" here 'cause I know I'm not. It's just that I wanted to share my realizations the other night. Another thing, this I can share to you. I was thinking about January the other night. Remember my post regarding work? I told you I'll share my decision when it comes. And yeah, it finally came. I have decided to leave by January. Honestly, I do not know if my decision is right. What I know is, I want to leave. My current work has been a part of my ups and downs during this whole year. It's like, leaving my work would mean moving on from what 2009 has brought me, at the same time, leaving all the memories behind.

My work is one of the witnesses on how I cried hard and how I managed to get up during the trying times. My work gave me a space during the times I needed something to put my attention to and be busied of. My work became my partner during the desperate times in my life that took place this year.

And so as the year comes to an end, I had to make an important decision. That is, I will be leaving my current work no matter how hard it may seem because of the people I will leave behind. I will leave without a concrete plan ahead. Yeah, I do not have plans on what I am going to do after the resignation. What I only have now is the decision of ending my stay in that company.

The other night, I prayed hard that God will continue to lead me to the right way. I prayed that He gives me wisdom so I would be able to make right decisions. I do not know yet if this is right. What I am sure of though is that this will make me really start a brand new life as a brand new year comes. And yeah, it would make me happy.


*****

Making decisions are hard, choosing which to do is hard, but at the end of the day, you have to think of, "Is it going to make you happy and be at peace?"