So This Is Goodbye

Been out of the blogosphere for quite sometime now. I actually am thinking of leaving for good. What I haven't decided yet is, should I delete the whole thing or just leave it as it is?

When starting anew, you have to leave some things behind, right? For that reason, I guess I'll give it a month, and delete the whole thing. This blog has been a part of me for quite sometime already. Had my fair-share of good and bad. Well, I guess it's mostly good though since I rather keep the bad ones out of the web people's eye. Just me being safe. :)

Anyway, so what led me to leaving? I just thought I need to let go of it and go back to journal writing. I thought perhaps Facebook is enough. I thought it's time to be really serious with life and just leave all my opinions to rest in my family and friends' ears - and my journal's pages too! I guess I've shared enough to people who I honestly do not know, but was comfortable of doing it anyway. :)

It's time to grow up and do something else rather than blog. It's time to widden my horizon. It's time to let go of the idealistic stuff I've mostly writtern here. It's time to say goodbye. After all, all things come to an end, right?

As I bid goodbye to my Dreamer's Avenue, I say hi to new opportunities of sharing my thoughts. I know there are a lot more - not just blogging. I still would want to call myself a blogger though, but this time, a blogger who has more sense rather than just writing something just for the sake of having something to post for a certain day. Admit it, most of us do blog for that purpose.

It's time to be more serious with life. I'm not saying that blogging is not serious, as that depends on who blogs. For me though, blogging was a part of my younger years, and I am no longer that youngster. If ever I go back to blogging, I would want to be a blogger with deep sense rather than a blogger who just blogs to get attention and gain praises from other people. If ever I go back to blogging, I would want to blog thoughts that matter rather than nonsense pieces. I would want to become a blogger worthy of people's time. I would want to become more of a writer than a blogger.

To those who took time to pass by, co-bloggers, thanks for reading my thoughts all throughout. Thank you for your comments and for taking time to share your personal thoughts about the things I've written here. Thank you for being nice. :)

In a month's time, A Dreamer's Avenue will finally rest.  

Trials Do Come, Surprisingly

As of this writing, papa is confined, my two siblings and two nephews are sick, and I am infected with cough and colds. What more can I say? Trials do come, in our case, it did come one time, big time.

Yesterday, I was just sitting inside the salon where my best friend was having her hair colored. I was just sitting until I checked my phone and saw 5 messages and a miscall. I thought nothing until I read the messages. It was my mama, two ates, kuya and my younger sister who texted me informing that papa is in the hospital. No, not having a check-up, but was confined.

I was shocked, my knees began to shake. I cannot deny, I was scared. This was the first time - at least the first time that we knew he was confined. Just before yesterday, they just left Manila after they joined me for my birthday. So I, who at that moment was still on "birthday mode" was really in denial that after a great birthday week, sad news such as this would come.

No, I did not cry. I told myself not to. I was even telling myself to not panic and take it easy as everything will be okay. But then, no matter how much you try to hide the feeling of uncertainties, and to not feel worried about how things are going, you will just end up feeling just the same. I mean, sometimes, you just really have no control.

To be honest, I was really scared. I am someone who hates hospitals. Though I do go to hospitals due to check-ups, I still hate being there. It's as if, the end is there. I don't know. But much more, I hate getting news that people were rushed. In this case, I so hated the news that papa was rushed, and worst, was confined. 

At the moment, I know he's getting well. But it cannot be taken from me to still worry. Not just for papa, but for mama and my loved ones who are sick - the babies most especially. I worry because it is during these times that I know we need one another and yet, I for instance, is far from them. I cannot deny that I feel guilty of not being there. I feel sad being far from home, and just depend on getting updates through texts and calls.

Amidst all these though, I am reminded of one thing, that it is during these times when you will realize the value of the people you love - family. It as well reminded me that during these times when I am far from home, I have a big God taking care of them. 

At this point, I think of it as just another trial that will make our family tighter and stronger. This made me realize that life is indeed unpredictable. At some point everything seems okay, and next thing you know, you are bombarded with trials and tests.

This incident made me feel God's assuring presence once more. I felt His reassuring words whispered in my ears. I felt his warm embrace. I believe this too shall pass just like then. This too will end and as it ends, we have a lesson to carry with us as we continue our family's journey.

To those who will get to read this, please include my family in your prayers, and all other families who, just like us, are in the midst of a big trial in their lives.

Our family has gone through big waves in the past, that is why I am optimistic that just like any wave, it will end too. 

Dream On

The scene: I was lying in my younger sister's lap while our mom was on her side, when I suddenly remembered about my birthday.

Jokingly I uttered, "Ay, I'm turning 24 na pala. Hmm... So pwede na akong magpakasal kahit walang parents' permission. Diba Ma?"

With a little sarcasm, my sister replied, "Maghanap ka muna ng boyfriend."

That made me laugh, BUT with a little 'ouch' on the side.

I am officially part of those of legal age to marry. Looking back, my sister got married when she was 24, and I think my parents too. Looking back, my other sister had one of her relationships when she was my age. And me? That, I need to figure out, at least in the next twelve months.

But aside from the thought of marriage, which I have to say is way far from my priorities right now, there's one more thing that makes me feel ecstatic about turning 24. Yes, I may look like a 16-year-older, but I am actually this old now. Kidding.

Anyway, people say that when you turn 24, it's when you finally get rid of your childish or child-like ways, as you are now expected to be matured and that you could now handle life's uncertainties. You are expected to have a life of direction, which means you are expected to be more responsible with your actions and decisions. You are expected to start taking life really serious. That's it.

Now that made me wonder, am I ready to take life seriously? Am I ready with the resposibilities of being my age? Am I ready to put myself away from my childish and child-like ways? Am I ready to face greater challenges in life? Am I ready to be a good decision-maker? Am I ready to head a life of maturity?

I remember, when I was younger - oh yeah, I'm still young - when someone would ask me how do I see myself ten years from then, I would most probably answer this way, "Ten years from now, I will be successful. I will bring my parents wherever they would want to go. I will start building the house they deserve. I will help send my younger sisters to school. I will help my siblings."

Looking at how dreamy I was then, it made me wonder how many of these dreams have come true so far? Sadly, I think not even one. But no, I am not frustrated. You know why? It's easy to dream especially when you are a kid. It's easy to run your imagination of how things would be when you get older. But in reality, it's hard to work for your dreams. I think it's just about facing the reality that it's not easy when you are in the 'world' already.

Where am I in my life now? I am not lost, that I am sure of. I still dream the same things. I still would want to send my parents to places they would want to go. I still dream of helping them in whatever ways I can. I still hold on to those dreams I've had when I was a kid. I guess, what makes now different from then is, today, I am working on it and working on it is not easy.

Making your dreams come true is not as easy as you could ever imagine. You need to really work hard for it. When I graduated from college, I thought I'm way closer to making my dreams real, but I was proven wrong. I realized, what I have pictured about life after school is not that after all. I thought life would be easier when you've earned your degree. I thought life would be cool because I would now be earning money. But I was proven really wrong, which makes my journey to my dreams a little bit more harder.

At some point, I felt disappointed with the turning of events in my life, but I guess, my faith saved me. Faith not just in myself or to the dream I built when I was a kid, but faith that I know my big God is just there to help me realize all my heart's desires, my dreams.

My dreams remain the same, except for one. That is, in time, maybe not when I am 24, but when He knows I'm ready, I will have a family I would call my own. Okay, wait, just before that, I will need to find that one lucky person first, and before him, I need to make at least one of my childhood dreams come true or if possible, all of them.

In our lives, we are bound to dream, and make those real. After all, what's the sense of dreaming if you'll keep it as it is, right? Realizing your dream may take time - which is absolutely true, unles you're born with a golden spoon, but later on, when you've finally conquered all the odds towards that dream, you'll just be amazed and you'll suddenly forget all the hardships you needed to surpass along the way.

I am still on my way towards realizing my dreams, one by one. As I traverse the road towards them, I am optimistic that no matter what happens along the way, no matter how rough the road will be, I know I can do it. I can do it by not just relying on my own strength, but having faith that I have a God to give me just enough until those dreams will no longer be dreams.

Going back to the scene I've mentioned earlier, my sister made sense, right? Before one could marry, he has to find his match first. Just like in dreams, before you make those real, you need to work on it.

Keep dreaming, and make them real! :)

:)

On Board (Again)

At one point in our lives, we will question the things that are happening. We ask not because we doubt, but because we just need the answer. At one point in my life, I asked. No, I did not doubt. It was more of being curious on why things have to happen.

For most, it takes a lot of time before answers were given. As with me, it took about five months before I finally got them. I was truly satisfied with the answers. I felt like, it was really all worth the wait. Five months is five months. But that do not matter because what matters is the answer given to me.

A lot of things happened during the time I was away, and sacrificed blogging. The supposedly forty days turned out to be more than forty days. I did not intend to take long, it just happened. God was just so good in giving me a lot of blessings, which made me preoccupied for the last couple of days.

Before I had my Lenten hiatus, I was jobless. At least no regular office job, because He granted me with freelance work over the time I was looking for one. Before I signed off for awhile, I was just hanging around anywhere just to kill time and make me not notice the day. That was before. Today, exactly during the Holy Week, He gave me the job I believe that is intended for me.

It’s not a glamorous job.  Definitely not the Devil Wears Prada type. But, I believe I am working with such a great bunch of people. So far, so good. I know it will be carried over the days I will be with this new blessing that He has given to me. I know I will be expecting a lot of better days. I know, this is really where He wants me to be. Foundation, that is. I will be working not to please people of authority, but to help the community – in one way or another.

Aside from that wonderful blessing from above, I also got the chance to do some firsts during the Holy Week. First, I was able to attend a three-day recollection, which was held during the nights of Holy Monday to Wednesday. Second, while in queue for the confession, I got to meet a stranger who happens to belong in the same community where I am a member of. Third, I had an impromptu Visita Iglesia with two of my friends. Fourth, I got to witness the Seven Last Words that is being aired in one of the biggest network in the country, live. It was special to me because I only used to watch it on TV then. Fifth, I got to see and hear Fr. Jerry Orbos, SVD already. He is one of my favorite priests, by the way. Sixth, I had the chance to be in front of the people inside the church proclaiming that God answered my prayers. It was as well an impromptu. Definitely, unexpected.

With all these happening is just a week, I just couldn’t thank Him enough. I am deeply humbled by all these blessing I never thought I’d ever receive.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not becoming preachy here. I just have to share the goodness of Him in me. After all, nothing is more worth sharing than the greatness of the One who made all these possible for us.

Be blessed. 

40 Days

let us be reminded of Jesus' sacrifice for us.

Today is Ash Wednesday.

For Catholics like me, today is not just a hint that Lent season have started, but this day reminds us that we came from ashes and that to ashes we shall go back.

I read the Didache reflection for today, and I was reminded to make my own sacrifice as the Lent season comes to its beginning. While I was at the Church hearing mass together with my parents this morning, I was at the same time thinking of what sacrifice will I be doing this Lent.

I thought of a lot of things, and suddenly I thought that perhaps I shall take a hiatus from blogging for this Lent. I know, this is not really a big sacrifice as compared to what others do. But for someone who loves to blog, and that blogging has become a part of her life, this is a big sacrifice already.

Taking a hiatus until Easter Sunday is not that easy. Imagine more than a month of not updating my blog, at the same time, more than a month of keeping my thoughts on the side. It is really going to be hard, but that is what sacrifice is all about right? Doing something hard, something not pleasurable perhaps for the glory of God.

Other than this, I intend to do something unusual everyday. Perhaps fasting in many ways and forms. 

Aside from the thought that it's Lent season, I also offer my daily sacrifice as a form of thanksgiving to Him, for He has blessed me with a big blessing. Something I will share when I come back.

My dear co-bloggers, and those who intentionally or unintentionally pass by my blog (by the way, my blog stats show that there are a lot of visitors each day, thanks to you guys), see you until after forty days. :)

I Am PRO-LIFE

Disclaimer: Everyone is entitled of his or her own opinion. Thus, whatever is written here do not intend to hurt or criticize other people's. This is my opinion, and I hope those who get to read this, respect my piece.

Lately, I have been so vocal of my community and religious involvement. I am talking about being a member of a religious community, which is called the Singles for Family and Life - a family ministry under the Couples for Christ Foundation for Family and Life.

Looking back, I was granted the rare opportunity to be part of a community that has always been so vocal in its purpose. Evangelization, helping the Church in proclaiming God's Words to every member of a family. Having been in this community for about seventeen years now, I have had a couple of teachings that have been instilled in my mind and heart. Among those is protecting the sanctity of life.

Leaving my religious community behind, I am someone who believes that everyone of us deserves to live a life. A life that pleases our God, the reason why we are all here. Yes, I am PRO-LIFE.

Maybe for people who do believe that using contraceptives is okay, I am nuts. Perhaps some who will get to read this will laugh at me or criticize my belief. Well, just like what I have said earlier on, I believe we all have our own opinion. This is mine.

For me, whether you are an adult or a week or a day old baby inside the womb of your mother, you have all the right to live. A right that no one have the authority to take it away from you. In our country today, a lot of people in the Congress are pushing through with the Reproductive Health (RH) Bill. Sad but true, there are a couple of congresswomen and ordinary women who support this bill.

Let me just share this. I came from a family of nine. My papa, my mama, and my six siblings. I remember when our mom gave birth to our youngest sister, she thought of - and a lot of people would advise her to - having herself ligated. But during the time she was at the delivery room, perhaps it was God through her conscience that told her not to have herself ligated. I remember my mom telling us that at that moment, she thought that she belongs to a community that protects life, so why would she do what is contrary? It was God through her conscience that she was not led to go astray from what the Bible and the Church has been teaching us.

Perhaps some would contradict my opinion saying that being a self-professed single, who am I to talk about these things? Well, not because I am single, I have no right to be a PRO-LIFEr. God has given me wisdom, He too has given me the privilege to listen to a talk about PRO-LIFE. It was then that I have become even more convicted to my belief that no one in this entire world have the capability to kill anyone.

Funny how some people would talk about animal rights. Funny how some would plead to the authorities not to kill their loved ones, and yet, some people would just let these babies be killed even before they were conceived. The people behind the RH Bill says that this is a bill that will protect the women. That this is the bill that will lessen the underprivileged. That this is the bill that will protect our country from becoming overly populated.

I am from the province of Northern Samar. Going to my hometown by land, it would take me about 16 to 18 hours of travel. Whenever I go home by bus, I would see a lot of spaces along the way. These are spaces of greens. Meaning, these are lands that no one resides. As these RH Bill proposers say that the country is overpopulated, I would want to disagree. Manila is, but the country is not. Go to the provinces and you will see that Philippines is not overpopulated, and that there is enough space for everyone. 

They say it will protect the women. Protect from what? From getting pregnant? Isn't getting pregnant an important role that was given to women for procreation? Isn't it written in the Bible? Now I have this in mind, is this really to protect women or this is to give them authority to have sex (out from the sanctity of marriage) as they are protected by these contraceptives? We are a country of Christians. I hope that remains, not just by name but by the way we live our lives.

They say that the RH Bill is the answer to lessen the poor ratio in the country. Since when did the poor people affected the economic growth of a country? I feel sorry for the poor, as they have been used by people who think of nothing but themselves. I feel sorry for my underprivileged brothers and sisters as they have been used as a reason just so this bill be passed. Now I say, why instead of using the poor as a reason to have this bill passed, just these people stop from being corrupt and just do their job as legislators and stop making bills or laws that will actually not benefit the humanity? Why not, instead of creating a law that endangers the human life, just make a law on more important things like education, health, jobs, and many others on the line?

I am PRO-LIFE. I wouldn't want to imagine growing old without seeing the new breed of generation. I wouldn't want to imagine growing old, seeing the generations after me doing things that only should be done within the sanctity of marriage. I do not want to grow old and see my child-to-be learning about sex and contraceptions while she or he is just a fifth grader. I do not want to grow old and hear my future kid telling me, "Mom, it's okay to have sex. I have contraceptions to protect me." 

I am only 23 years old. I am young. I am single. I am unattached. But yes, I am a PRO-LIFEr. I have never been this vocal. Not until today that a lot of people are so into passing this bill. Not until today that a lot of people are becoming blinded with what they thought are good. 

Do not just look at how it is today. Imagine what the future might be when this irresponsible and arrogant bill be passed. 

I AM PRO-LIFE. 

How about you?

A Princess's Letter to God

Dear God,

Thank you for the best weekend you've given to me. I had fun while my soul was being filled with your goodness and love. Days before I went to the World Singles Congress (WSC) 2011, I knew something great would happen, but I never expected it to be that great.

tumblers given during the 4th CFC-SFL
World Singles Congress

On my way to the venue together with my beloved brothers and sisters in Singles for Family and Life, I was having some bad thoughts. You know what I mean Lord. There were things that consumed my mind. Thanks to my angels, I was able to overcome those bad thoughts, and eventually made some great thoughts along the way.

When we arrived at the venue, I was not in awe. I was actually surprised because I did not expect it to be that way. A typical state U that has a lot of open areas but had a couple of trees only, which made it really hot. But again, my angels kept me guarded. They made me feel at home with the whole place later on that first day at the conference.

During the first night, I was overwhelmed. I was so full of praises to you. I worshiped you. But again, I was a little hesitant to show how much I praise and worship you. I was a little shy. But then, after awhile, I just saw myself raising my hands and singing joyfully before you.

During the first talk, I was struck. I knew then you were talking to me. You told me that, "Hey Pam! You are my princess, and I have prepared a kingdom for you both in heaven and earth." There I felt how blessed I am to have you as my Father. I felt your graciousness and love.

The night ended, and the second day came. It was during the second talk that you made me feel that I am not alone in my quest. That there are other people my age who feel the same way I am feeling at the moment. You re-assured me that I am not the only person on earth who faces the issues in life that I am facing now. God, you truly is the best.

"my God is now my strength" -Isaiah 49:5

When the night came in, I thought it would just be another inspiring night as the third talk is coming along. But God, again, you surprised me. It wasn't an ordinary night. It was a magnificent, a soulful, a great night. During the time Father Arlo Yap, SVD was leading us to reflection, you showed yourself to me. You spoke with me. The next thing I knew was, I was kneeling down, and crying to you while you were there, hugging me tight. You comforted me, and re-affirmed me that I have a strong and big God. It was during that moment that I have forgiven all who have hurt me, including myself. It was also that time when I let go of my hesitations, and said yes to you. It was indeed a magical moment I will always remember in my life.

After that special Saturday night, I felt like my heart was renewed. It's whole again. As expected, everything has to end. During the third and last day, I felt lighter unlike the time I arrived at the conference. When the fourth and last speaker went on to speak, I felt that indeed, I have a great God who's so unselfish and forgiving. 

God, if only I could stay there for the rest of my life, just worshiping and praising you, I would. Having you around with people who share the same passion and love as what I have for you is just great. My weekend was not an ordinary weekend. It was something I will forever treasure and will always be proud to share.

As I left the venue, the challenge was with me. The challenge of doing your will and living not to please anyone else but you. I have with me the challenge to share the goodness of you. I have with me the challenge to stay committed to you.

God, I had really the best weekend of my life. I have to say that all the tears shed was all worth it, for without those tears, I won't realize that I am weak, and that during those weaknesses I am strong because I know in my heart that I have a strong and faithful God.

Love,

Pammy

On Being Single (and Love)

It's love month again. It's very obvious kahit san ka magpunta. There are heart-shaped decorations in almost every establishment na makikita mo. Love songs? Uso na naman, pati na din love quotes. Of course, uso na naman ang pangungutya sa mga single.

I am one of them. No, I'm not the one who teases. I am the one being teased.

But hey, being single does not make me any less. I am even luckier than those who are in a relationship nga, but are taken for granted naman. A lot of single people thought they're cursed for being one. Well, I'd have to say na you should feel blessed. There are so many things to be thankful dahil single ka. After all, hindi naman nasusukat ang pagkatao dahil lang sa kung in a relationship o single ang status mo.

I am single, yet I love to talk about love and falling in love. Again, hindi dahil single, you don't have the right to talk about love. I had my fair-share of love and hurt. I had my share of katangahan, but that was before. Once you've learned, you should live by it. Meaning, do not commit the same mistake again.

I am single both by fate and by choice. Why is that so? Well, let's just say, I did not plan to be single but I guess Somebody has planned it for me. As I realized things in my life, I eventually opted to stay single until God knows I'm ready for it. Like I've said earlier, when you learned something, make sure na you learned talaga and living with that learning. Useless kasi na you've learned and yet you still do the same things.

Hindi naman ako napaso sa love. Let's just say, may mga bagay akong narealize as I have had that short encounter with love. For once I have to admit that I learned na iba ang love sa infatuation. As you grow older, you'll realize the difference. As for me, I realized I really haven't fallen deeply and truly inlove yet, but I got infatuated many times, including the one I thought was love only to realize in the end na it wasn't love at all.

At this point in my life, I am no longer waiting to get infatuated with someone. I am waiting for real love to come. The love that He has intended for me. I am in no rush though, because I know that the perfect time will come for that. It doesn't matter when, where and how. What matters is, that day to come. So if you're single today just like me, stop thinking as if you're so unlucky to be single, because you're not. Learn to wait for your time. After all, walang magandang kahihinatnan ang pagmamadali, dahil lahat ng bagay na minamadali hindi nagsu-succeed.

Too much about love and being single. Enjoy the love season. If you have no special someone to spend that day with, you might try spending it with family and friends, or para maiba lang, have a date with yourself. Who cares kung mag-isa ka? You should even be proud if you do that. 

And oh, do not forget the true essence of Valentine's, that is, to continuously show our love and appreciation to the people we love and care for, not just on that day but everyday.

Happy Love Month Everyone! =D 

The Blessing Called Life

God has been so gracious to me. Of all the things that happened and are still happening, I could feel how God continuously blesses me.

Days ago, I had to visit my cardiologist. Yes, I have a heart ailment that needs to be treated. Though I am in such condition, living a normal life has never been a problem to me. Sometimes people around me would tell me not to do this and that just because they thought I couldn't. Actually, I hate to be treated that way. I know they're just concerned, but sometimes it makes me feel bad even more.

Anyway, going back to my story. During my first visit, I had to be given medicines so my tonsillitis and cough be treated. Having cough is okay, but having tonsillitis is not as it may lead my condition to worsen. Wait! Let me just say this, I am not dying. :)

The doctor asked me to have a series of blood tests just to be sure that I'm well. So after I have taken those, I went back to him. There I felt how God worked in my life. I felt so good hearing the good news that I am still in my same old condition and that it did not worsen. Prayers and faith can only do so much. :)

They say, the more faithful you become, the more struggles you need to face so your faith would be tested. I could attest to that. I had been through a few tough times, but my faith has been intact and it never failed on me. Instead, I have become more faithful in every trial that comes my way.

People complain for a lot of things. I used to be one of them but today, I now can tell that there is no reason to complain at all, because there's a reason why you need to go through that certain point in your life. When I learned about having an abnormal heart, I never asked God why . Instead, I thanked the Lord. I considered it a blessing because only a few people have the chance to experience such thing. Also, I considered it a blessing as it brought me closer to my God. 

Everyday I thank the Lord for waking me up. Everyday I thank the Lord for allowing me to experience the joys of life. Everyday I thank the Lord for all the trials and blessings that come my way. 

I shared this story because I know God wants me to. When you think God has been a bad God to you, I say,  try to look at the things around you. There you will see the goodness of Him. He may not answer your prayers right away, but trust that He will on the right time. :)

God bless everyone! Enjoy the life you have and do not let bad things bring you apart from our God. :)

Time Heals

Let me say this straight once and for all. I am deeply hurt. I don't know why some people couldn't be sensitive enough of other people's feelings. I have been hiding the hurt. I did my best to keep the pain locked inside me. I tried my best not to admit that I am actually hurting. But what else can I do? Sometimes, you just need to be honest - at least to yourself, right?

I was thinking whether to say my piece or just let it pass. Let time heal the wound and just shut up. But I also understand that there are circumstances in life wherein you need to let it all out. After all, it's unhealthy to keep all the pain inside. It's not good once it explodes.You sure won't like it.

For privacy reasons, I am not going to tell all. The story behind why I am hurting is just between me and myself. I hate to feel the way I'm feeling now. I feel so numb that I couldn't even shed a tear. I feel so numb that I couldn't pour out the right emotion. I hate to feel this. I really do.

At some point in our lives, we are capable to hurt someone without intending to do so. I understand that because I myself is guilty of such crime. I try to understand every time, but I just couldn't take it anymore. It feels bad when the person knows what you truly are feeling before the hurt has done. It feels bad when you suddenly realize that the thing you tried to fought for was just wasted in a snap.

I wish I could tell the whole story. I wish I could, but I couldn't. I don't want to create neither a buzz nor a scene. Admitting that I am hurting is enough. It somehow feels better. 

In time, everything will be put to its right places. In time, the wound will heal, but sadly the scar will be there for the rest of my life. In time. I just need time. One day, I will be capable to give what I do not have now. That is, to be truly happy for the other person.

Melody

About seven years ago, there was a girl who sat beside me on my first class on the first day of my college life. When I first saw her, I thought she was “maarte” and a probable bad influence. Oh, how can I forget, she asked for a piece of paper during that time. Imagine someone going to school without a piece of paper with her – on the first day of school. Hilarious!

Fast forward. Seven years after, I am with the same girl, but with a totally different impression about her. The girl I thought was a bad influence became my best friend. She’s actually more than that to me, because she is a sister. She’s my sister by heart.

If there is one person who knows me well, that would be Med. We’ve been together during the lowest and highest points of our lives. We’ve shared a couple of good and bad. We shared laughter and tears (though I honestly couldn’t remember a time that Med cried).

Melody is a woman by all means. She is tough, yet she has a soft heart. She is driven and passionate. She has a strong faith in God – the reason why she can handle all her struggles in life. She may be late (in almost) every time, but she would always make time for you especially when she knows she’s needed.

Med is a dreamer too. As I am the backpacker, she’s the nomad. She loves to paint, but could hardly find an inspiration to do her passion. She may be workaholic, but she still knows when and how to play and enjoy life.

I am blessed to have this woman in my life. God has been so gracious that He gave me a best friend who could be my source of strength, my shoulder to cry on, my companion, my listener, my counselor, my sister.  The past seven years of friendship we’ve had is really one of the bests.

Melody, happy birthday dear best friend! I know there’s going to be a lot more years of friendship for both of us to share – and I am thankful. I thank you for being the person that you are, and for just being there every time.

Today, as you start a new year to enjoy the goodness of life, all I have is a prayer that may the good Lord make all your dreams come true (I know you have a lot) – you deserve them. I know you have a good heart, so rest-assured that God is preparing the bests for you.

Cheers for the gift of life.

Cheers for the friendship that we have.

Cheers to all the blessings that are coming your way.

Again, happy 24^th birthday Melody! God bless. :)

(I am actually on a hiatus from blogging, but I thought this has to be posted. :D Anyone who wants to, can greet my best friend. :D) 

2011: May All Your Dreams Come True

Perhaps a lot of people are done with their new year's resolutions by now. As for me, I am not a fan of doing resolutions. For me, you can change anytime. You don't need to wait until new year just for you to change a bad habit or personal perspectives. 

Instead of resolutions, what I usually do is list down a couple of things I would want to do or have for that particular year. I list them down so at the end of the year, I'd have something to assess if I was able to achieve what I've listed.

For this year, I am not done with my list yet. I thought of 40 things to do and acquire, but I'm just more than a half of my prospected list. Maybe in the following days, I'd be able to complete it.

Anyway, to those who have their resolutions already or just like me, have their list of things you wish to do for this year, I wish you good luck. May it all happen. 

Have a good year everyone. I'll be gone from blogging for awhile, but will be back soon. :)

By the way, thank you to all of you who greeted me during the holidays. I appreciate it so much. God bless us all. :)

Thank God for 2010

The year is finally coming to an end. It has brought me a lot of wonderful memories I will keep and cherish for the rest of my life. I had my share of laughters and tears. I had both the good and the bad. Definitely, 2010 is a year that brought me a lot of learning in life.

I guess it is only right that before the year comes to its finale, I thank the people who became part of my 2010's life's journey. I need not to name names for you know who you are. 

To my family, thank you for always being there. Thank you for allowing me to be just myself whenever I am with you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for I know I will always have you especially when the world becomes rude. Thank you for becoming my strength when I am weak. Thank you for being my laughter when I am sad. Thank you for showering me with love, patience, care, and understanding. Thank you for backing me up when things are not going my way. Thank you because I have you. I know for sure that I will always have you as long as I live. 

To my friends - from childhood, teenage years, college years, and friends from my previous jobs, thank you for the love and the friendship. Thank you for sharing a part of yourselves to me, as well as for allowing me to become part of your lives. Thank you for all the good words, as well as the not so good. Thank you for always being there every time. Thank you for letting me discover a lot of things about myself. Thank you for all the things that I have learned from you. Thank you for the companionship. Thank you for making me laugh, as well as making me cry. Thank you for lending an ear from my corniest jokes to my saddest stories.Thank you for your warm embraces and sweet smiles. Thank you for becoming a family to me. Thank you so much. I hope you would still be with me as the new year comes. 

To my former colleagues, thank you for sharing your professional expertise with me. A lot of you have become my friends, who I will forever be thankful for. 

To those who never believed in me, thank you. Thank you because I have learned a lot from you. I have grown up because of you. Thank you for now I strive harder to become better. 

To those who broke my heart in different ways, thanks as well. I have become a stronger person because of you. Thank you for at least making me realize a lot of things. Thank you because I have learned a lot. Thank you because I know somehow, sometime in your lives, you have allowed me to be into it. Thank you for you have played a huge role in molding my better self. Thank you because you made me go through one of the things people need to experience in life.

To people who came and left, thank you too. Thank you for passing by.

As they say, people and things come for a certain reason. Some may leave, while some may stay, but then again they came because they're meant to. There's always a purpose why you've met them or why you have gone through a certain experience.  

As the year closes, I just would want to pray that the people who become part of my life will continue to be blessed. That they may continue to receive the blessings they deserve from the good Lord. I pray as well that they may continue to be part of my life, and that I too may continue to have the pleasure of becoming a part of their lives. 

I have to say that I will end this year with a joyful heart for I know God has been so good to me. I am excited for the coming year for I know God is about to unfold a lot more wonderful things for me and the people I love. 

Cheers for a great year that is coming to an end.

Cheers to a new and exciting year!

 

All I Want For Christmas

"Santa can you hear me, I've been good this year, and all i want is one thing."

In two weeks, it's gonna be Christmas! I feel a little sad, because I know for sure I won't be opening even a single gift. Add to that, no Christmas party to attend to. Isn't that really sad?

Anyway, though that is the case, I still would want to share my Christmas wish list. Who knows, things might change? Suddenly, someone might think of giving me something to open on Christmas eve. 

What I want for Christmas:

- a really good book (a handy Bible would be the best)

- lots of pen (of different colors - been influenced by a friend)

- a cute journal (something that looks vintage)

- a very useful and cute organizer 

- more true friends for keeps

- a long-lasting job

- a love that lasts a lifetime

- happiness for all

- peace in every person's heart

More than the material stuff, I am looking forward to receiving gifts that would make me a better person. I am hoping to be blessed with gifts that would mold me to become the person God wants me to be. With all honesty, it's hard to list down material things that I want. Maybe because I know in my heart that it's not what I need. After all, I can always buy one when I really want it - I just need to work hard first and not ask it for an instant.

Also, I guess I have really grown up. Looking at my list, I am no longer looking forward to having something that would only last a few days. Now, I am more into gifts that would not only benefit myself but others as well. :)

(Advance) Happy Holidays to All! :D

A Special Day for ADA

Happy Second Birthday ADA!

Who's ADA? Well, it stands for A Dreamer's Avenue! :D

Drum rolls please....

Anyway, what would I say? The past blogging year has been great. It has opened me to something new. I never thought that my once anonymous blog is now on its debut to stardom (wishing upon a falling star, hahaha).

Seriously, I'd want to take this opportunity to THANK all the people (parang sa awards night lang, hahaha) who have visited my blog, people who stayed connected to my blog, people who once came and never came back, people who read my thoughts even if most of the time it's so cliche and sometimes even boring, people who read but opted to stay anonymous to me, people who in one way or another have enjoyed ADA.

Thank you so much. Like I've said before, I started this blog out of personal reason, and so I never thought it would come this far. For its two years existence, all I can say is, it made me realize how much I love this blog. This blog is going a long way pa. 

For those who always visit ADA, I promise to share more of my personal escapades here. Expect that there will be a lot of changes as I begin my third year. Perhaps the coming blogging year would be more interactive as I will try to answer comments from my dear co-bloggers. If time would allow, I'd love to meet some bloggers as well. I also would want to expand my virtual world meaning, I'd want to know other bloggers and their blog sites as well. :)

Again, thank you and I do hope you'll stay still with me in the years to come. Happy blogging! Happy birthday to my dear ADA! :D

Music and Me

I have a very articulate ear when it comes to music. I love soulful music, which I can relate to. I love mellow sound, which for me is associated to mellow voices.

I am choosy when it comes to who sings the song. I love to listen to voices of people who can make my heart melt. I hate loud music, which means loud voices as well. I know most of us Filipinos love the "birit" factor. We adore people who sings high notes. Well, not me.

I adore singers who doesn't need to belt out, but rather sing from the heart. For me, a real singer or musician is someone who could make the person listening to them feel what their song is all about. I salute those who can make people relate to their songs. Those who sings with real emotions and not just after hitting the high notes.

Among foreign singers, I love Boyz II Men and Bryan Mcknight. I love their songs and more so, I love their voices. They're really musical geniuses.

As for the local ones, I love Aiza Seguerra, Juris, Side A, Freestyle, South Border, and just recently, the Ezra Band. The latter is a newbie, but I just so love the voice. I don't care much about the sexuality. The vocalist is far better than other singers who are given huge chances in the music scene. Oh by the way, I also love RJ Jimenez's music.

I feel bad that people nowadays (I'm talking about here in the Philippines) are so hooked with artists or should I say singers who actually do not have what it takes to be called one. I know, I know, I am of no authority to say this, but I'm just pissed off knowing that the music industry nowadays are just after the money. They don't develop great talents anymore. Thus, they settle for those who actually cannot sing.

Musicians such as Ezra Band and RJ Jimenez are two wonderful talents that only if they're given the chance to make it big in the field that I believe is theirs really.

Lately, I've been engrossed in watching videos in YouTube. It amazes me knowing that there are a lot of talented Filipinos out there, who sadly are not given the breaks they deserve. I was watching Joseph Vincent, Gabe Bondoc, and AJ. These three are actually Filipinos living in a foreign land. I think they're actually making names already in the music scene in their respective places. Really, Filipinos are born to be musicians.

******
A Little Personal Revelation

I love music. I love it badly. Unlike other people though, I am suppressed to live music. I am somewhat frustrated because I did not have the chance to be properly trained, and was never encouraged to pursue what I love most. I love to sing, and I love the feeling when people are pleased whenever I sing. I love the feeling of being asked to sing over and over again, just because they love me singing.

No, I am not like Charice, Sarah, or those other singers of their genre. I am more into soul music, more into inspirational ones.

By the way, I bought my first guitar without letting my parents know about it. I saved a quarter of my allowance just so I could buy my own guitar and learn how to play it. After three years, I now own a better guitar, a white guitar that I just so love. What made it more special to me now is, because of my guitar, I could now sing my own compositions. Sad to say though, I am shy to share it yet. Maybe one day, when I have enough courage, I'll share it to other people. :D

30 Days Before Christmas: Anything Goes

Another chapter in my life is coming to an end. Looking back, I only have good things in mind for I chose not to look at the bad ones. I have always been grateful for every opportunity that comes. I have always been grateful for the people I got to meet. I have always been grateful for every experience I've gone through.

I have never been this strong in my life. I have never been this positive. I wanted to cry, not because I am sad for the forthcoming ending, but because I will leave amazing peers behind. I have found a new family who I got to be with in creating a wonderful bond and a bunch of memories.

More than feeling sad, I am happy. I am happy because I know there's something better waiting for me. I am happy because I know I am given the chance to explore the world outside this four-corner room I am now in.

Life has been fair. It has given me both the good and bad. It's molding me to becoming the best I can be.

I was never afraid of new beginnings. In fact, I've always been thrilled. I've always been excited to know what's coming ahead of me.

I was never afraid of endings either. Because I know that whenever something comes to its end, something far better is coming along. We all deserve the best. Therefore, things have to end when it's not yet the best.

***
I was never good at saying goodbye. I guess I am better in saying "see you when i see you." The world is too small for our paths to not cross. We will see each other again sometime soon. :)

***
Let this be my way as well of saying thank you for everything. Thank you for all the good memories. Finally, it's time to MOVE ON. :)

***
In a couple of days, I will be back to the province for the Feast of Immaculate Conception. Though I was so disappointed with my Filipiniana dress or should I say gown, I just would want to think that it would be fun since this is going to be my very first time to wear such dress or gown again. I think I was on my 6th grade when I last wear a Filipiniana.

***
I am excited to see my ever loved friends. I feel so blessed having such good friends around. No matter where I go, I know I always have friends to go back to. Of course, I am excited to see my family as well. Can't wait to mingle with my makulit na pamangkin, and have some nice talks with my older sis.

***
I could hardly feel the holidays. I don't know why, but maybe when I'm home I would. Perhaps with the huge Christmas tree at home (in the province), I will no longer feel this way.

***
I am excited for PEBA! Yes, I am looking forward to attending the awards night. I hope nothing would hinder me from going - it's going to be my first time to attend a bloggers' event (if ever) and it's PEBA. :)

***
I don't want to be sad, but I am so gonna miss my new found friends. I'll be missing the people I am leaving behind. Anyway, things happen for a reason, and besides, my friendship with them won't end as I leave.

***
Endings and beginnings. Both are essential to our lives. We have to learn how to cope up with it. Oh my, I am half excited, half scared, but I know I will be okay as God is leading the way. I can't wait for my new beginning. :)

***
For now, just like most of everybody, let's enjoy the coming holidays. Wow! I can't wait to eat a lot of food this coming holidays! Yeah, more than anything else, I am excited to eat! :D

In Time, The Wound Will Heal

 (This has been in my drafts for a couple of weeks now. I wrote this during the time when my emotions were down because of something unexpected. - Indeed, writing is a therapy. Note: This is a little emo. :-p)

Whoever gets to read this, or if the person I am referring to gets to read this, just let me be.

Today I was bombarded with a common fact that sometimes, you just have to let things be no matter how painful it may be. I learned another lesson, which I will bear with me as I continue traversing this road called, life.

I am no longer a baby trying to learn how to crawl. I am no longer a kid starting to learn how to read and write. I am no longer a teenager trying to know herself. I am now an adult. An adult who's bound to experience both the good and bad of life.

Life has given me so much. I laughed and cried. I put a smile on my face and showed some tears running down my cheeks. I loved and lost.

Though I have been through a lot, I never intend to stop. I never intend to surrender. I continuously embrace what's given to me.

I admit, I am hurt. As the song goes, "I can't believe what I just heard. Could it be true?"

Memories flashback.

In life, I've learned to let things be. To not question what's going on. I've learned to keep my silence so as not to hurt anyone. But yeah, the more you keep things to yourself, the more it hurts. The more you try to hide what you're feeling, the more you're crushed down.

I am not a neophyte when it comes to love nor an expert. Just like most of us, I came across the highs and lows of falling in love. But I realized, the best thing about falling in love is, when you expect less from the other person. When you learn to be happy for the person you love. When no matter how painful things may be, you bear it, cry a little, be happy for the other person, and move on.

No, I am not a martyr, not even a hero of love. I am just a human who loves.

"I'd rather hear the truth than believe in a lie."

While writing this, I'm trying to hide the pain from the people around me. I'm trying not to shed a tear. I'm holding back my emotions, but deep inside I know I just want to run home and cry. I just want to feel the pain so I could easily let go of the hurt. Deep inside I know I can't hide what I am truly feeling.

Time heals. Distance does as well. Now I understand why I had to go. Now I understand why I had to be honest to myself for once. Now I understand why it all had to happen. All along He was preparing me for today. He was preparing me for this day.

Thanks To You

I did it! I was able to chance my 100 votes count. :)

Again, my deepest thanks to those who voted for me. Voting has not ended yet, it's still on-going (just visit PEBA). It doesn't matter if I get high votes. What matters to me is, I was able to step up and be counted on this year's PEBA. :)

It's an early Christmas gift and anniversary gift as well to have been part of it. :)

Again, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU especially to those who are campaigning for me. Maybe you thought I am not aware of it, but yes I am. I am humbled by the support you are giving me. It doesn't matter if I win or not, the fact that a lot of people have showed support to me through voting and commenting and liking is enough. Saying thank you for a couple of times won't tire me. :)

Also, how would I forget to say THANK YOU PEBA for counting me in. It is an honor to be part of this year's nominees. Whew! Continue the good work you have started. :)

GOD Bless you a hundred fold. :)

*****
Read my entry here: A Dreamer's Avenue: My Piece and Salutation.

Suggestions Please...

In more than three weeks, A Dreamer's Avenue will be turning two years old!

I'm thinking of what to write, but apparently, I couldn't think of any yet, and so because of that, I am opening this page to solicit a topic for my second anniversary post.

Suggestions (and questions - I was thinking of a Q and A but I guess that won't work much) are so welcome. :)

God Bless Us All. :)

*****

Meanwhile, vote as you please, A Dreamer's Avenue: My Piece and Salutation on this year's PEBA-Philippine Based Finalists. VOTE HERE.

Also, I'd like to say thank you so much to those who voted already and even recommended my entry! Thanks much especially to those who I do not know. I really really appreciate your support. God Bless you guys. :)

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There's a lot more to share. Go visit the link below. :-)

PAMELA'S SANCTUARY: Unleashing the adventures of my life.